'And George was one of them?'
'Perhaps.' I hesitated. How could I tell her what made a man like George Farnell love metals more than he loved himself. 'Jill,' I said, 'Farnell was an artist. He knew more about metals than any man I know. And the driving force in his life was the belief that he could open up these mountains here and let them pour out their store of mineral treasure. To the average person he is a cheat, a swindler, an escaped convict, a deserter. But in his own mind that was all justified. It was the means to an end. His art was everything. And he staked his whole self on me belief that there was metal up here under the ice that you see now. If he hurt you in the process — well, that was no more than the hurt he had done himself.'
She seemed to understand, for she nodded slowly. 'Everything had to be subordinated to that.' She sighed. 'Yes. You're right. But if only I'd known. Then I-' She stopped. 'No,' she said. 'Nothing would have made any difference. It was that singleness of purpose, that inward fire that attracted me.' She sat for some time with her eyes closed. Her hand was relaxed and soft in mine. 'What about you, Bill?' she asked at length. 'You say you've been in love — many times. What was it drove you on?'
I hesitated. 'I'm not sure,' I said. 'Excitement, I think. The excitement of running things, of always being faced with problems that were too big for me until I beat them. I'm a climber — in the industrial sense. I always had to get to the top of the next peak.'
'And now?' she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. 'Now I have had my fill — for the moment,' I answered. 'During the war I reached the top. I exhausted myself, satiated my urge for power. Now I'm content to lie and bask in the sunshine — or was.'
'Or was?' The slender line of her brows rose.
'I don't know,' I said. 'All the time we have been sailing towards these mountains, that old sense of excitement has been rising inside me. If I can find out what Farnell discovered-' I stopped then. It sounded ghoulish this search for a dead man's plunder.
'I see,' she said and looked away to the mountains. And then suddenly with a violence I had not expected she said, 'God! Why was I born a woman?'
She got up then and went below, and I sat on feeling suddenly alone. The mountains were not so bright and the sky seemed less blue. I knew then — and admitted it to myself for the first time — that I'd missed something in life. I had held its hand for a moment. That was all. It didn't belong to me. I had borrowed from a dead man.