How to Get Married, Although a Woman; or, The Art of Pleasing Men

by Irene W. Hartt

Experience has taught her that the best way to win a man is to make him think more of himself. Experience has taught her that she can have her own way easily by proper management. A girl fights openly for her own way. She is unsuccessful as her plans are open.

A widow knows that the royal road to a man’s heart lies through his stomach. Her little dinners and tempting lunches are a part of her mode of warfare. A man will always go where he can get a good dinner. He does not wait for a second invitation, and hardly a first. A man is always pleased with himself (unless he is a bad case of dyspepsia) when he has a good dinner. When he is pleased with himself, he is pleased with those about him.

When a man knows that an evening call means a pretty little lunch, he is quite sure to come again. He goes first for the sake of his stomach, and later for the sake of his heart.

A widow never forgets that the better friends she and the man become, the more likely he is to love her. With a man and woman there is but a short step from friendship to love. It has been said that there is no such thing as Platonic friendships between the two sexes. A widow knows that friendship ripens more quickly over the well-laden table than under any other circumstances. A girl trusts to romantic surroundings. A widow never does. She has found out that her hero was fleshly, and she knows that all men are. She knows that only a boy, wildly in love, prefers moonlight to a substantial meal.

If a girl takes a meal with a man it is always at his expense. A widow never allows a man to spend much, if any, money upon her. She knows just how little he cares about doing so. She has heard the opinion of one man strongly expressed on that subject. She will not put one stumbling-block in a man’s way.

A widow knows how to dress. She knows just the kind of dresses a man likes. She rarely is given to display. She chooses quiet tones or continues to wear black. Costly apparel she is well aware will frighten away a man of limited means. She studies herself, and how to dress, so as to make the best of both. Her art is so perfect that it is hidden.

A widow is in no haste to wed. Many do not wish to do so at any time. She does not have to marry for a home: she either has inherited one or is able to support herself. She has no fear before her eyes of being an old maid. Years do not lessen her chances, as they do a girl’s. She does not pretend to be young. Youth is not her attraction. In these respects she is as independent as a man. It is not matrimony alone she cares for, if she marries, but a congenial companion. If she does not meet the right one this year, she may the next. She can afford to wait.

A widow is conscious of her power. That gives her a good command of herself. She knows, from one man at least, if not from more, the full value of her charms. She knows her power to retain one man’s love even until the end. She knows how to make a man happy. She has done so. She knows that what once won love will do so again. She knows a man’s weak points: she knows his strong ones. She knows her own weak points: she may have been told of them very plainly. These she takes pains to strengthen.

Old bachelors are proverbially hard to win. When one does marry it is almost always a widow. She only seems to know how to attract him. She knows what a hard fight it will be, and sets deliberately about doing it. She knows he is selfish. Only a selfish man tries to avoid family ties and troubles. Your warm-hearted, unselfish men always marry. A widow is not shocked at his selfishness. She has not looked for perfection. She helps him be selfish. She makes him look upon her as one who will encourage his pet foibles. She shows him that she will help him with them; instead of having to give up for her “my dog and my cat,” she will pet “my dog and my cat.”

Yet a widow has a great drawback. There are some men at whom she can never get a chance. A man who does not wish to marry avoids a widow. He will pay attention to a young girl perfectly sure he can withstand her charms; but the young widow is a different person. He knows that if he allows himself to begin there, he cannot break off. Dickens gave the key-note to the whole situation when he said, “Samivel, beware of the widders.” For ages Samivels who do not wish to marry have obeyed that injunction.