“Dat wuz only jest de beginnin’. De parlor wuz all trimmed wid smileaxes an’ de ushers dey all wore w’ite gloves an’ swaller-tail coats. An’ they wuz a string band of eight pieces to play de weddin’ march.
“Miss May, you sho’ly also an’ likewise should a’ seen de table whar de bridal feast wuz spread. Dey had chicken croquettes at ever’ plate an’ ice-cream ’twell you couldn’t rest, an’ punch made out of gin an’ a whole soup-syringe full of simon salad.
“De weddin’ feast lasted all night an’ tain’t finished ’till yit. Dem niggers is still over dere dancin’. I jest stole away to cook you up a lil’ breakfust an’ den, befo’ I washes de dishes, I aims to run on back fur to tek a hand in de las’ quodrille.”
“But Mandy,” said her mistress, “you haven’t said anything about the bridegroom?”
“Nome, I lef’ him out a-puppos. He wuz de only drawback dey wuz to dat weddin’.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Was he drunk?”
“I don’t know ef he wuz or ef he wuzn’t; but Miss May, wid dat gal got up de way she wuz an’ wid all dat music an’ all dem vittles, dat nasty, low-flung, kinky-haided nigger, he never did come.”
§ 206 Sure Damnation for Somebody
As a boy, I had this one from my father. I seem to recall that he said it actually had happened before the Civil War in the remote Southern settlement where my forbears lived for upwards of a hundred years.
Into the community there came a dashing stranger. He had no visible means of support, but such was his ingratiating personality that speedily he became a favorite among the simple pioneers. Shortly after this advent the local Methodist circuit rider organized a protracted meeting.