“I’ll tell ye what’s wrong with it,” said Mr. Kelly; “whin that bell rings do ye hear it speakin’ me name? Ye do not. All ye hear it sayin’ is: ‘Doolan, Donlan, Donovan, Dugan!’ ”
§ 259 The Luck of the Absentee
This was a favorite with Mark Twain. Whether he made it up or whether he had it from other sources and merely stood sponsor for it I have no way of knowing.
Twain said that a Nantucket sailor fell in love with a girl in his home town. She objected to his habits but promised if he took the pledge she would consider his suit favorably.
In his desire to win the young woman the suitor was willing to go farther even than that. He made application in the local Total Abstinence League, and on the same evening sailed on a whaling voyage. According to Clemons, he was gone nearly two years and during the entire time touched not a drop of strong drink. His mouth watered when the other members of the crew downed their grog allowances, but he, as befitting a good templar, stood fast.
The voyage ended. The reformed one hurried to his sweetheart’s house to claim her hand. A shock awaited him. For eight months she had been the wife of a stay-at-home citizen.
“But,” expostulated the poor sea-faring man, “you told me that if I would join that temperance lodge you’d be waiting for me when I got back.”
“Oh,” said the young matron, “you never heard the news, did you?”
“What news?”
“That very night, about two hours after you sailed, you were blackballed.”