This is one of my standbys. Every time I hear it—and I hear it on an average of at least four times a year—I like it better. I hope the reader may feel the same way about it.
The principal characters are an Irishman, with red whiskers, and a Hebrew with black whiskers. They fall into an argument over the relative glories of the two great races they severally represent. It is finally proposed by the Semitic debater that for every great Jew he names he shall be permitted to pluck one hair from his adversary’s face. For every famous Irishman listed the other man may claim the tribute of a hair from the Jew’s beard. The first to cry enough, or the first to be entirely denuded will be the loser.
A chosen referee gives the signal for the start. It is the Jew’s turn.
“Moses,” he cries, and yanks a hair from the Irishman’s chin.
“Brian Boru,” shouts his opponent.
“Abraham.”
“St. Patrick.”
“Baron Hirsch.”
“Daniel O’Connell.”
“Rothschild.”