The pause which ensued was broken by the astonished voice of a lank native sitting on the lowermost tier of blue seats industriously milking his whiskers:

“Wall, by Heck—he missed her!”

§ 20 Curing the Great Thirst

There was a philanthropic Tennessee distiller who believed in spreading sunshine wherever he could. One Christmas he sent a gift of prime whiskey to an improvident acquaintance who lived in a cabin up in the hills.

Along toward the end of January the beneficiary dropped in on him and intimated that if his friend was so inclined he could use a little more liquor.

“Aren’t you rather overdoing things, Zach?” inquired the distiller. “If my memory serves me rightly, it has been less than five weeks since I gave you a whole keg.”

“Well, Colonel,” explained the mendicant, “you got to remember that a kag of licker don’t last very long in a fambly that can’t afford to keep a cow.”

§ 21 The Ways of the Army

The officer of the day was inspecting the guard.

“What are your orders?” he inquired of a drafted man.