§ 32 The Voice of the Purist
In the National League formerly was an umpire who was a stickler for correct deportment on the diamond. In a game in which he officiated at the Polo Grounds Chief Meyers, catcher for New York, came to bat. Certain of the Boston players sitting on their bench began to guy the brawny red man.
In an instant the umpire had left his place behind the catcher and was running toward the visitors’ bombproof.
“Cut out them personalities!” he ordered. “Cut out them personalities!”
A high pitched voice filtered out from the grandstand:
“Cut out them grammar!”
§ 33 There Spoke Envy’s Voice
The town drunkard of a small Scotch community went on an especially vehement tear. The village authorities locked him up.
On the second day of his captivity, as he sat in his cell, thirsty beyond words, the minister, who was of a full habit of life, came to give him consolation and good advice.
They sat down side by side and the dominie read the parable of the Prodigal Son. The prisoner seemed to hang on the words. He nudged up closer and closer, bending forward until his face almost was in the minister’s face, and listened.