“Kurnel,” stated Cooksey with sincerity, “I ain’t aimin’ to tell you no lie. Ef one of them things busts clost to me I’ll jest natchelly be obliged to go away frum here. But please, suh, don’t you set me down as no deserter. Jest put it in de book as ‘Absent without leave,’ ’cause I’ll be back jest ez soon ez I kin git my brakes to work.”
“But what if the enemy suddenly appears in force without any preliminary bombardment?” pressed the Colonel. “What do you think you and the rest of the boys will do then?”
“Kurnel,” said Cooksey, earnestly, “we may not stick by you, but we’ll shore render one service, anyway: we’ll spread de news all over France ’at de Germans is comin’!”
§ 70 Deportment Taught by Wire
There was a so-called financial wizard who advertised to give lessons by mail which would enable patrons to prosper in their speculations.
A subscriber down in the Southwest found himself in difficulties as a result of following the directions for playing the grain market as laid down by the expert. He wrote a letter to this effect:
“You told me if I got into trouble I was to communicate with you and you would tell me how to act. Well, I done just what you said about buying winter wheat and I am now busted. How shall I act? Please wire.”
By wire promptly came back the answer:
“Act like you are busted!”