"Well, they enlarged the house—that was already big enough for a hotel—an' built stables an' kennels an' pheasant yards an' houses for ducks an' geese an' peacocks. They stocked up with fourteen horses, twelve hounds, nine collies, four setters, nineteen servants, innumerable fowls, an' four motor-cars, an' started in pursuit o' happiness.
"You see, they had no children, an' all these beasts an' birds were intended to supply the deficiency in human life, an' assist in the campaign. Well, somehow, it didn't succeed, an' one day Bill came into my office with a worried look. He confided to me the well-known fact that his wife was nervous and unhappy.
"'The doctors don't do her any good, an' I thought I'd try a lawyer,' said he.
"'Do you want to sue Fate for damages or indict her for malicious persecution?' I asked.
"'Neither,' he said, 'but you know the laws of nature as well as the laws of men. I appeal to you to tell me what law my wife has broken, and how she can make amends.'
"'You surprise me,' I said. 'You an' the madame can have everything you want, an' still you're unhappy.'
"'What can we have that you can't? You can eat as much, an' sleep better, an' wear as many clothes, an' see an' hear as well as we can.'
"'Ah, but in the matter of quality I'm way behind the flag, Bill. You can wear cloth o' gold, an Russian sables, an' have champagne an' terrapin every meal, an' fiddlers to play while ye eat it, an' a brass band to march around the place with ye, an' splendid horses to ride, an' dogs to roar on ahead an' attract the attention of the populace. You can have a lot of bankrupt noblemen to rub an' manicure an' adulate an' chiropodize ye, an' people who'd have to laugh at your wit or look for another job, an' authors to read from their own works—'
"Bill interrupted with a gentle protest: 'Soc, how comforting you are!'
"'Well, if all that is losin' its charm, what's the matter with travel?'