Remarks:
Another lifeboat drill today. Such a blockhead crew!—Still painting ship.—Tonight I made out a new will. I’m leaving the Ark, my insurance and bank account to my widow, provided she never marries again. Shem gets my spy-glass, the charts, and this log-book. I’m giving my evening robes, the engines, and the fish-worms to Ham. Japheth is to have my razor, top hat, and other personal effects. I willed the beautiful, plush-covered family album, some stock in the Damascus-Bagdad Oriental Rug Weaving Company, and my mining stock to the girls. The animals and the earth I divide equally among the family.
I gave some explicit instructions regarding my funeral. I want to become a real fine mummy, bound in A No. 1, four ply tire tape, and tattooed by a good undertaker. The case is to be waterproof. I make a special request that I shall never be exhibited in a museum. But—I don’t want to be a mummy for a few centuries.
WEDNESDAY.
Remarks:
Tomorrow I’ll be a rich man. We are going to have a rabbit and turtle race. Bet all the officers 5 to 1 on the turtle. I saw all the officers winking, but they don’t know I got a tip from Æsop’s animal book. It may be wrong to bet on a sure thing, but the money will stay in the family anyway.—Held another lifeboat drill today. The boat was in the ocean in one hour. That was a big improvement. Everything went all right, only we couldn’t find the oars.
THURSDAY.
Remarks:
Held the derby today. I’m a ruined man. Threw that nature-faker’s book overboard. He was either like most authors, or he had a different kind of a turtle. By jove, my turtle hadn’t reached the first hurdle before the rabbit was under the wire.—Insisted on another lifeboat drill. I don’t know what’s the matter with that crew of mine. Two hours were spent in getting the boat in the sea. I’m not going to let them practise any more.
Remarks:
The ice machine broke today. Engineer spent the whole day trying to repair it. I tried also, but the engine was like a Chinese puzzle to me.—The poor polar bears are suffering. Ordered the women folks to take turns fanning them.—I am greatly worried.
