“Yes, I can do it,” he said drearily, as if trying to rouse himself. “I should despise myself for ever; but I have always had somebody to despise me. I wonder if it would be a very different thing.”
He glanced at a scrap of paper fallen near him, on which “Fenimore & Co.” had been trying a new pen half a dozen times. He looked at it again, and then started wildly to his feet.
“Yes, it would be a different thing! They cannot make me do it, Hal Fenimore and the whole set of them together! I haven’t the stuff to make a man of in me, of course, or Hal would never have twitted and crowded me all my life as he has; but I’ve always been able to declare to myself he lied when he said I did not do my best, and I always will! But oh, why do I have to fight like a man, and a brave one too, if I never was given the soul of one to begin with?”
He seized the letters and began to look them over. Black, white, or gray were they? He could not tell. He only saw one question written all over them. Would Davis dare, would he be able to get him into trouble? He had meant that ugly phrase “mixed up” as a threat, Tom knew very well; could he manage to bring it to the ears of Fenimore & Co.? It would be an end to the partnership, drawing pretty near now, if he should. And what then?
A sudden thought flashed into his mind. If any mercy, even in a dark disguise, should set him free from Fenimore’s, there was Carter! He had heard Aleck talk of what Carter was to the meanest man he had on board. He would go before the mast with him, if he could but find him. Thorndyke always knew when he came in. He would ask Thorndyke.
“I wont keep you any longer, Haggarty,” said Mr. Fenimore’s voice behind him; “and indeed I would advise you to call hours ended and take care of yourself. You’re not well to-day, I am sure.”
Tom turned and left the store. He would go to Halliday’s. The sooner he got a promise from Thorndyke to let him know when Carter came in, the better.
Halliday’s was a place where every one seemed to like an excuse to drop in; there was always some one there enjoying the light and warmth and comfortable feeling he could hardly have explained to himself.
The early twilight had fallen, and the outside air was bitterly cold as Tom opened the door, and the feeling of comfort reached even his heavy heart for an instant, as he stepped inside.