"I know not, my dear, the amount of that over which you mourn with so much agony; I know not even if it be sinful, except in the circumstances; you are conscious of sincerity, and you do not now wish to draw back. We can, my dear, do nothing in our own strength; no, not so much as think a good thought. To make any resolution without dependence on God for strength to perform, is sinful; to make any vow without a consciousness of our weakness and dependence on God for strength to perform, is an aggravation of the evil.
"I suppose my J—— has sinned; what then? If any man say he has no sin, he deceives himself, and
the truth is not in him. And if you suppose that your sin in this is greater than many other sins with their aggravations, you judge wrong. I think that any one deliberate sin, wilfully committed with a knowledge that it is sin, is greater than yours in such circumstances. You are bound by your vow, and God will enable you to perform it. Turn, my dear, to the second chapter of the Acts of the Apostles, where Peter preaches to the very murderers of our blessed Saviour, and charges the guilt upon them, verse twenty-second; and again in verse thirty-sixth, 'Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly, that this same Jesus whom ye crucified, God hath made both Lord and Christ; and when they heard this, they were pricked in their hearts.' Read on, my dear; Peter exhorts even them to repent and be baptized in the name of Christ, for the remission of sins. I make no doubt but many have made vows in a rash manner; but, so far as I know, you have vowed only to serve the Lord; this you are bound to do with or without a vow; and if the Lord makes this vow the means of keeping you watchful and humble, and firm in avoiding what you have vowed against, it will, by his overruling Spirit, prove a blessing.
"You 'do not know where to look for comfort!' To, Jesus, my dear; not to yourself, nor to any creature. 'Look unto me and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth: for I am God, and there is none else.' Isa. 45:22. 'O Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself, but in me is thy help.' Hosea 13:9; chap. 14. Take a view, my dear, of the character of God in his dealings with his perverse Israel, after they had made the molten calf, and sinned otherwise grievously against
God. He, at the intercession of Moses, forgave their sin, and proclaimed that wonderful name, which to this day is the encouragement of convicted sinners, and mine in particular. And the Lord passed by him (Moses) and proclaimed, 'The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin.' And how can God do this, whose law is, as himself, immutable; and who adds 'that he will by no means clear the guilty?' Exodus 34:6. Look now to the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, where you will find your Redeemer standing in your stead. In the thirtieth chapter is another amazing display of God's forgiveness. The prophet begins the chapter with, 'Woe to the rebellious children!' and lays grievous things to their charge till you come to the eighteenth verse, where he says, 'Therefore will the Lord wait, that he may be gracious to you; therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you; for the Lord is a God of judgment, blessed are all they that wait for him.' Once more look at the proclamation, Jeremiah 3:12. God has provided a sacrifice of sufficient value to atone for our most aggravated transgressions, and a righteousness answerable to the uttermost extent of his holy law. Both are made over to the sinner by free gift. 'He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.' 2 Cor. 5:21. In Him — He, our surety, having fulfilled all righteousness for us, as our surety and representative.
"You fear that it is not the hand of the Lord that is upon you. I do think that it is, my J——. It is
the peculiar office of the Spirit to convince of sin, and I do think that he is at this time dealing with your soul. But why look so much at your vow? you have sinned, my J——, in heart, lip, and life. 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart.' O my J——, what prostituted affections, what misspent time. While God says, 'Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God,' what self-indulgence and self-will, instead of self-denial. Listen to the voice of convictions, listen to it as the voice of mercy, leading you to Christ the great propitiatory sacrifice, 'the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.'
"Go to Christ, my dear, as a sinner; tell him you commit your sinful soul into his hands; say, Thou hast bid me look unto thee and be saved. Saviour, I do look unto thee for salvation. Wash me in thy blood, clothe me in thy righteousness, sanctify me by thy grace, accept of me as thy pardoned, saved child; and be a surety for me for good, that having vowed to thee that I would be thy servant, I may perform my vow; furnish me with both will and power to devote myself to thee every day of my life.
"Try, my dear, to rest on Christ; put your trust in him; if you do he will not disappoint you; as your faith, so shall it be unto you. Now faith is a saving grace; thereby we receive and rest upon Christ for salvation, as he is offered to us in the gospel. Do as you have said: wait his appointed time, in the use of means, till he manifest himself to you. I am hurried for time to get this to town. Farewell. I will pray for you.
"I. GRAHAM."