"Fifty years ago the Lord convinced me of my sin, my misery, and my total helplessness. I was also, I think, enabled to lay hold on the hope set before me.
"I have, in numerous exercises and acts, accepted of God's gift of Jesus Christ to me a condemned sinner; taking hold of the Scripture words of invitation and promise held out for my acceptance. I have pleaded his own covenant provision, in the substitution of his own Son in my stead, making him to be sin, who knew no sin, that sinners might be made the righteousness of God in him. I put in my claim as a sinner, among the ungodly for whom Christ died. I believed his testimony, and set to my seal that God is true. I rested on this foundation — I yet have no other; I know there is no other. The foundation standeth sure. But Oh, what am I to think of the fruits? I have again and again turned back into the world, grieved the Spirit, crucified the Son of God afresh, and put him to open shame. No wonder I stand alarmed at the apostle's assertion: my conscience testifies that my character is nearly, if not altogether, such as the apostle, by the Holy Spirit, says it is impossible to renew to repentance. Hebrews 6:4, 5. But thou hast renewed to repentance! Thy name is 'the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin.' Thou wilt by no means clear the guilty; but thou hast provided a substitute, and laid my guilt and guilty person on thine own Son.
"By this gracious name thou wast known to thy backsliding Israel in the wilderness; whose heart, like mine, was not right with God; neither were they steadfast in his covenant; but he, 'being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not.' Many a time turned he his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath. They forgot God their Saviour, who had done great things for them; they transgressed his commandment, and in their heart turned back again to Egypt; they brought upon themselves many afflictions, and many times did he deliver them; they provoked him with their counsel, and were brought low for their iniquity; nevertheless, he heard their cry, and repented according to the multitude of his mercies; while the blood of bulls and of goats typified the great propitiatory sacrifice, by which 'God can be just and justify the ungodly.' By this name was the Lord God, merciful and gracious, known in the pleasant land; and by the same sacrifice, the blood of Christ, which cleanseth from all sin, was typified. Psalms 103, 51.
"The prophets prophesied in his name. 'All we, like sheep, have gone astray, and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was wounded for our transgressions, and bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was laid on him, and by his stripes we are healed.' 'Deliver him from going down to the pit; I have found a ransom.' Even backsliders, among whom I stand chief, have been recalled. 'My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and have hewn out to themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water. Is Israel a servant; is he a home-born slave; wherefore is he spoiled? Hast thou not procured
this to thyself, in that thou hast forsaken the Lord thy God, when he led thee by the way? And now what hast thou to do in the way of Egypt, to drink the waters of Sihor? or what hast thou to do in the way of Assyria, to drink the waters of the river? Thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove thee. Know therefore, and see that it is an evil and bitter thing, that thou hast forsaken the Lord thy God, and that my fear is not in thee, saith the Lord God of hosts. For of old I have broken thy yoke, and burst thy bands; and thou saidst, I will not transgress; when upon every high hill and under every green tree thou wanderest, playing the harlot. Yet I had planted thee a noble vine, wholly a right seed: how art thou turned into the degenerate plant of a strange vine unto me? Why gaddest thou about so much to change thy way? thou also shalt be ashamed of Egypt, as thou wast ashamed of Assyria. Have I been a barren wilderness, or a land of darkness unto thee? Wherefore say my people, We are lords, and will come no more to thee? Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire? yet my people have forgotten me, days without number.' Jeremiah 2. 'They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return to her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? But thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again unto me, saith the Lord. Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me. My Father, thou art the guide of my youth?' What can I say to such grace? Thou art infinite in thy mercy to pardon, and in thy power to save. Such has been my character, and such the amazing mercy of my offended God.
Often, often has he pardoned, restored, blessed, and made me happy. But Oh, just is the renewed charge against me. 'For the house of Israel and the house of Judah have dealt very treacherously with me, saith the Lord. They have belied the Lord, and said, It is not he, neither shall evil come upon us.' 'Go and proclaim these words, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, saith the Lord; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, saith the Lord, I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the Lord thy God; and ye have not obeyed my voice, saith the Lord. Turn, O backsliding children, for I am married unto you.' Jer. 3. What, O what can I say to such grace? Truly, thy ways are not as our ways, nor thy thoughts as our thoughts. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are thy ways higher than our ways, and thy thoughts than our thoughts. Oh, how is my guilt aggravated by all this grace; and yet thou callest, Return; and thou thyself turnest me. I do, O Lord God, merciful and gracious, I do acknowledge my iniquity; every time I turn back my eyes upon my past life my sins rise in magnitude, heightened by more enlarged views of thy goodness. It is of the Lord's mercies that I am not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
"A voice was heard upon the high places, weeping and supplication of the children of Israel, for they have perverted their ways, and they have forgotten the Lord their God. Yes, thou hast, my gracious God, granted repentance. Thine eye has seen the tears I have shed; thou hast given me a contrite heart. I have looked upon him whom I have pierced, and
been in bitterness as for a first-born. I feel it now, and must feel it while the body of sin exists. But Oh, Lord God, merciful and gracious, the cause is in thyself, that I hear thy voice, and that I answer. 'Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings. Behold, I come unto thee, for thou art the Lord our God. Truly in vain is salvation hoped for from the hills and the multitude of mountains. Truly, in the Lord God is the salvation of Israel. We lie down in our shame, our confusion covereth us: for we have sinned against the Lord our God; we and our fathers, even from our youth; and have not obeyed the voice of the Lord God. Thus saith the Lord God, I will even deal with thee as thou hast done, who hast despised the oath in breaking the covenant. Nevertheless, I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth; and I will establish unto thee an everlasting covenant, and thou shalt know that I am the Lord. That thou mayest remember and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more, because of thy shame, when I am pacified towards thee, saith the Lord God.' Amen, Lord God, merciful and gracious. Be it so. It is so now — it must, it will be so, until death shall open mine eyes on that mystery: The glory of God arising out of the abounding of sin, through the superabounding of grace, and grace reigning through righteousness unto eternal life, by Jesus Christ our Lord!
"Till then, while sin dwelleth in me, let me enjoy the blessedness of a contrite heart; yea, even shame and confusion, since it is the sign that thou art pacified with me. Thou hast dealt with me, thou hast chastened, and in some instances taken vengeance on my
inventions. But thou art pacified with me, and I dare look again to thy holy temple, to the temple not made with hands, to the minister of the sanctuary, and the true tabernacle which the Lord pitched, and not man; to the blessed High-priest, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself a sacrifice without spot unto God, and by his own blood entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us, and when he had purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high; to the blessed Mediator of the new and better covenant, established on better promises; to the Surety of the new testament, and sealed with his own blood. Oh, I will look unto Jesus, the object, the author, and the finisher of that faith which interests us in himself and the whole of his purchase. He bids me look unto him, and be saved. I do look unto him, and I am saved. Who dares condemn the sinner whom Christ acquits? Who shall lay any thing to his charge? 'It is Christ that died; yea, rather, who is risen again; who is even at the right hand of God; who also maketh intercession for us.'"