"Thus far the Lord hath tried me, and kept me to my choice. This night I have tidings, through a letter to Dr. Mason, that my son has been seized by the press-gang. Through God's help, he escaped; but all his assortment of necessaries that his sisters and I made up with so much care, labor, and expense, they have carried off, and he is once more left naked. Satan and a corrupt heart unite in tempting me to complain. Dare I utter a word or harbor a murmuring thought? Would I withdraw the blank I have put into the Redeemer's hand? Has he not hitherto done all things well? Have not my own afflictions been my greatest blessings? Have not I asked for my children their mother's portion? Has not God chiefly made use of afflictions as means of hedging me in, and shutting me up to my choice of this portion, as well as showing me that He is a sufficient portion without any other? When matters have been at the worst with me as to this world, my triumphs in God have been highest, and prospects for eternity brightest.
"Has the Lord given me in some measure victory over the world? Do its honors, riches, and gaudy splendor appear to me empty and vain, and not worth an anxious thought? Does provision of food and raiment by the way through this wilderness seem all that
is necessary? and is it my wish, as well as form of prayer, that the Lord may give that in kind and degree which he sees fittest for me? And shall I covet that for my child which I despise for myself? Alas, Lord, it is because he feeds not on better things, and sometimes I fear he has no better portion. Still, still foolish. Was it when I was full, or when in want, that I returned to my heavenly Father? Do I desire, have I asked and persisted in asking for my children, salvation from sin and self? Do I anxiously wish them to reach and to surpass my present measure of submission and resignation to thy will — to enjoy God in all things, and nothing without him? And shall I, dare I complain when I see the Lord making use of the same means which first brought me to myself, and recovered me also from numberless backslidings since I first tasted the blessedness of his chosen?
"Lord, I renew my blank. I afresh roll them all over upon thee. I will try to look on, in the faith that all things shall work together for good to their souls, and that I shall yet see the day, or if I see it not, that it will come, when they shall bow at thy footstool, sink into the open arms of thy mercy in Christ, melted down in holy, humble, acquiescing, cordial submission to thy severest dealings with them; when thou shalt put a new song into their mouths, and they shall sing as I do now, It hath been very good for me that I have been afflicted. I wait for thy salvation. Amen."
Again we mark her trust in God in the more common events of life, and her gratitude in the reception of blessings from his hand.
"NEW YORK, September, 1791.
"Many have been my burdens of late; strangers laid upon me to provide for, even when I thought I had not sufficient to give to all their due and provide for my own family. But what is that to me? the Lord increases business, lays more largely to hand, bears me and my burdens, provides for me and strangers. Lord, it is all well: give when thou wilt, and call for it again when and for what purpose thou wilt; it is thine own. I am thine, and all that thou givest me is thine; the world calls it mine, but I call it thine. If it be thy will, lead me in a plain path, or if thou lead me by a way which I know not, hold up my goings, so shall I be in peace and safety still. Amen."
"NEW YORK, October 10, 1791.
"This day did the Lord's sent servant, in a solemn manner, take us all to witness, and call in the witness of angels, that we had once more avouched ourselves to be the Lord's, and that once more Christ and his salvation had been offered to all within the walls. This same day, for the second time, have my two daughters sat down at the Redeemer's table among his professing people, and, I have reason to think, given their hearty assent to his covenant.
"Glory, glory, glory, to the hearer of prayer. I have cast my fatherless children on the Lord, and he has begun to make good my confidence. One thing, one only thing have I asked for them, leaving every thing else to be bestowed or withheld as consisting with that: I seek for my four children and myself, first of all, the kingdom of God.