"1802.
"Our friend B—— has now proved how far it is safe to leave the fate of eternity unsettled. He is
gone to the state of the dead: with whom his soul is gathered, He only knows whose mercy none ought to limit; he is gone to his own place; if without a Surety-righteousness, which he sought not after in health, we know where that place is; but after reading of a thief on the cross, nothing with God is impossible. My mind is much impressed; that sentence rings in my ears, so often repeated, 'I am determined to do all the good I can, and leave the rest to God. I have no time to search.' Oh, oh, one thing is needful.
"'Life's a folly, age a dream
Borne along the common stream,
Earth's a bubble light as air,
If my rest be centered there.
How can that be solid joy
Which a moment may destroy?'
"Mr. B—— was seized with the fever in its most malignant form; for him every genius was exerted, and the medical store ransacked for the healing balsam, but in vain. The Judge calls for the soul, and the body must, at his command, dislodge its tenant; how awful, if no surety was at hand, if he must stand naked — we know the rest: did I say we know? O no. What can we know of that wrath which in the garden of Gethsemane, when no murderous hand was near, no high-priest, no council, or cross, wrung the blood through every pore of the pure, the innocent Lamb of God, supported by Godhead. If such things were done in the green tree, what shall be done in the dry?"
Another of her grandchildren was shortly after removed by death; his illness is noticed in the following meditation:
"AUGUST, 1802.
"'And that which cometh into your mind shall not be at all, that ye say, We will be as the heathen, as the families of the countries, to serve wood and stone.' 'And I will bring you into the wilderness, and there will I plead with you face to face: like as I pleaded with your fathers in the wilderness of the land of Egypt, so will I plead with you, saith the Lord God; and I will cause you to pass under the rod, and I will bring you into the bond of the covenant.' 'And ye shall remember your ways, and all your doings, wherein ye have been defiled; and ye shall loathe yourselves in your own sight, for all your evils that ye have committed: and ye shall know that I am the Lord, when I have wrought with you for my name's sake, not according to your wicked ways, nor according to your corrupt doings, O ye house of Israel, saith the Lord God.' Ezek. 20:32, 35, 36, 43, 44.
"It is good, yes, Lord, it is all good; too often have we said, 'we will be as the heathen, to serve wood and stone.' Often hast thou chastened, often have we confessed, often resolved that we would walk more softly, more tenderly, more circumspectly before thee. But, alas, when thy hand is removed, when thou healest us, and restorest to us health, comfort, and our pleasant things, we wax fat and kick, nestle in our comfort, abuse thy gifts, and lose sight of the giver. Alas, Lord, thus it must ever be with us, when we keep not near to thee; we cannot walk one step alone without stumbling. Thou knowest these naturally wicked hearts, that they are deceitful above all things; they betray us before we are aware. Blessed, ever blessed be our God for his well-ordered
covenant. Blessed for the discipline of it. O Lord, we are again in the wilderness, and under thy chastising rod: for weeks past, we have 'eaten no pleasant bread;' thy rod is still suspended over our pleasant, our dear child; the streams of life ebb, he sickens, he dies, if thou interfere not. But the issues of death are in thy hand, and our eyes are towards thee. In vain are all means, all medicines, if thou impart not the healing virtue. Thy weeping servants seek the healing virtue from thy waters, thy seas, thy pure air. All nature is in thy hand and ministers thy pleasure; to some conveying health, to some disease. An herb to be boiled in simple milk, as the figs for Hezekiah's boils, has been proposed, O let this prove the appointed means, or direct and point out that which thou wilt bless, and let our hearts and tongues give the glory to thee.