I was in fact standing at the very door of my house—alone. Alice had vanished. The yard-dog was about to approach, he scanned me suspiciously—and with a bark ran away.
With difficulty I dragged myself up to my bed and fell asleep without undressing.
XVII
All the following morning my head ached, and I could scarcely move my legs; but I cared little for my bodily discomfort; I was devoured by regret, overwhelmed with vexation.
I was excessively annoyed with myself. ‘Coward!’ I repeated incessantly; ‘yes—Alice was right. What was I frightened of? how could I miss such an opportunity?... I might have seen Cæsar himself—and I was senseless with terror, I whimpered and turned away, like a child at the sight of the rod. Razin, now—that’s another matter. As a nobleman and landowner ... though, indeed, even then what had I really to fear? Coward! coward!’...
‘But wasn’t it all a dream?’ I asked myself at last. I called my housekeeper.
‘Marfa, what o’clock did I go to bed yesterday—do you remember?’
‘Why, who can tell, master?... Late enough, surely. Before it was quite dark you went out of the house; and you were tramping about in your bedroom when the night was more than half over. Just on morning—yes. And this is the third day it’s been the same. You’ve something on your mind, it’s easy to see.’
‘Aha-ha!’ I thought. ‘Then there’s no doubt about the flying. Well, and how do I look to-day?’ I added aloud.
‘How do you look? Let me have a look at you. You’ve got thinner a bit. Yes, and you’re pale, master; to be sure, there’s not a drop of blood in your face.’