Natalya raised her head.
‘You tell me to be comforted,’ she began, and her eyes blazed through her tears; ‘I am not weeping for what you suppose—I am not sad for that; I am sad because I have been deceived in you.... What! I come to you for counsel, and at such a moment!—and your first word is, submit! submit! So this is how you translate your talk of independence, of sacrifice, which...’
Her voice broke down.
‘But, Natalya Alexyevna,’ began Rudin in confusion, ‘remember—I do not disown my words—only——’
‘You asked me,’ she continued with new force, ‘what I answered my mother, when she declared she would sooner agree to my death than my marriage to you; I answered that I would sooner die than marry any other man... And you say, “Submit!” It must be that she is right; you must, through having nothing to do, through being bored, have been playing with me.’
‘I swear to you, Natalya Alexyevna—I assure you,’ maintained Rudin.
But she did not listen to him.
‘Why did you not stop me? Why did you yourself—or did you not reckon upon obstacles? I am ashamed to speak of this—but I see it is all over now.’
‘You must be calm, Natalya Alexyevna,’ Rudin was beginning; ‘we must think together what means——’
‘You have so often talked of self-sacrifice,’ she broke in, ‘but do you know, if you had said to me to-day at once, “I love you, but I cannot marry you, I will not answer for the future, give me your hand and come with me”—do you know, I would have come with you; do you know, I would have risked everything? But there’s all the difference between word and deed, and you were afraid now, just as you were afraid the day before yesterday at dinner of Volintsev.’