At last I reach the Newsky-Prospekt! I rush up and down looking for her! Is that she? No! Or there? It is not she! That must be she? No—yes—no—yes, yes!... It is she.... Now walk a little more slowly.... Now she sees me.... She turns as if to pass by on the other side.... She changes her mind and stays on this side....
“Have you been out walking long?”...
Mascha lies in my arms. We cry and laugh—cry and laugh.... Never, never, never again!!... Forgive, forgive!!... We embrace one another, press one another, kiss one another, as if we could be absorbed into one another.... We abuse one another, pull one another’s hair, and playfully box one another’s ears.... Then we rub our cheeks together, and give one another the maddest pet names....
Oh, paradise of love! Why did I quarrel with my fate which imposed upon me such unheard-of torments?... Nothing else could have brought me such blessedness as this!!
Oh, fate! More, more, still more martyrdom!... In this way let my love grow!
IV.
Our life together became continually more intolerable, and yet we could not bear to be away from one another a single hour. A terrible fate chained us together, and threw us into the maelstrom of this furious impulse, irresistible in its elemental force. To tear ourselves apart was rendered impossible by the fetters that chained us together.
Continually more frightful, continually more insane, became our scenes, and the love-eruptions which broke out from time to time.
(After mutual spiritual torments, becoming ever worse and worse, K. begs his beloved to procure abortion!)
She wept quietly, then kissed me and went out....