The psycho-analytic study of the family

by J. C. Flugel

It has recently been shown by Reik[211] that this last mentioned The Couvade factor of the resentment against the wife together with the previously discussed jealousy and hatred of the child are capable of throwing a very considerable amount of light upon certain customs practised amongst primitive peoples upon the occasion of the birth of a child—customs the origin and nature of which it appears at first sight very difficult to understand. To these customs we may well devote a brief consideration here, since they seem peculiarly adapted to bring out some of the most important aspects of the unconscious feelings of parents toward their offspring and—incidentally—toward one another. The customs in question are generally comprehended under the single term Couvade and may be divided, following Frazer, into two main groups:—

(1) the pre-natal or pseudo-maternal Couvade, which aims primarily and ostensibly at a magical transference of the mother's labour pains on to the person of the father, the father pretending to undergo what the mother experiences in reality;

(2) the post-natal or dietetic Couvade, in which the father pretends to be weak or ailing for a certain time after the birth of his child, during which time he keeps to his bed and refrains from eating certain foods.

As regards the pre-natal Couvade, it is obvious that the The pre-natal Couvade as an expression of ambivalent feelings towards the wife occasion of his wife's labour is one which is liable to arouse strong, and to some extent conflicting, emotions in the father. The danger and distress to which the mother is exposed naturally tend to arouse in the father feelings of sympathy and anxiety together with a desire to help and to alleviate the suffering to the best of his ability—an attitude which finds expression in an attempt to transfer the pain according to the principles of homoeopathic magic. At the same time the position of the mother is such as to stimulate in the father any hostile and cruel wishes he may entertain towards her, and, though such wishes will generally be confined entirely or principally to the Unconscious, they will usually be present in a greater or a less degree; since, besides any general cause of hostility and any tendency to Sadism (both of which are probably at work to some extent), there is liable to occur the more specific resentment connected with the bringing into existence of a rival, who may usurp much of the mother's care and affection which the father had hitherto enjoyed alone. There is reason to suppose therefore that at certain levels of the father's mind there is often present an actual enjoyment in the contemplation of the mother's sufferings and even a wish that she may die. In taking upon himself the mother's pains, the father is therefore, at one and the same time, doing his best to help the mother, subjecting himself to a talion punishment for desiring the mother to feel pain, and placing himself in a position more thoroughly to express and realise her suffering.

A similar attitude is indicated by the beliefs and practices The belief in demons with regard to demons which are frequently found associated with the Couvade. Demons are, from the psychological point of view, merely projections of thoughts and tendencies of the unconscious mind, and the demons who are supposed to be inflicting pain upon the mother are therefore an expression of the unconscious desire to inflict such pain. This desire manifests itself also in not a few of the measures which are taken to drive away the demons, measures which, though ostensibly undertaken for the benefit of the mother are in reality calculated to cause her fright, pain or discomfort, such as shooting, shouting, lighting fires in her proximity, playing with swords or even beating her.

While the pre-natal Couvade is thus principally the manifestation The post-natal Couvade results principally from hostile feelings towards the child of repressed hostility towards the mother, the post-natal Couvade would seem to arise chiefly as the result of a similar attitude towards the child. This is shown by the fact that the practices associated with this aspect of the Couvade are held to be necessary for, or at least conducive to, the life and health of the newly born infant, who is regarded as peculiarly liable to be affected by injudicious behaviour on the part of the father; it is also shown by the fact that the father is often held responsible for any evil that may befall the child during the first days of its existence; thus indicating an appreciation of the real unconscious tendency of the father to do the child some harm. As regards the prohibition of certain foods, it would seem that this is ultimately traceable to a repression of the tendency to kill and eat the child (and through him the grandfather whom he represents) a tendency which we considered in the last chapter, and one to which most, if not all, taboos on foods would appear in the last resort very largely to depend. The father's imaginary illness is also to some extent influenced by his hostile feelings against the mother:—negatively, in that by keeping to his bed he is prevented from doing her harm; positively, in that by compelling her to attend on him in his pretended helplessness, he forces her to work at a time when rest and freedom from trouble would have been more welcome.

Certain other students of the Couvade, such as Bachofen, The Couvade as an assertion of the father's rights are probably to some extent right too in maintaining that the practice represents an assertion by the father of his rights and privileges, being connected thus with the transition from mother-descent to father-descent. Certain it is that through the practice the father emphasises his share of the parenthood and thus effectually prevents any tendency to regard the mother as the sole, or even as the chief, producer and guardian of the child. In so doing, he also, we may suspect, endeavours to produce a compensation for the lack of attention from which he might otherwise suffer at this time, owing to the fact that the mother's share of parenthood is at the moment of birth by nature so much more prominent than that of the father.

This feeling of inferiority is frequently shared by fathers The corresponding attitude in modern life in modern civilised societies, who at the birth of their children are often unpleasantly impressed by their own uselessness and unimportance, and are easily led to complain of neglect or inattention, sometimes even going so far as unconsciously to produce in themselves some more or less psycho-genetic malady, in order to claim care and sympathy from those about them and to prevent a too exclusive preoccupation with the mother. In other ways too it is evident that many of the mental tendencies which underlie the practices connected with the Couvade are still rife in modern life. By his exaggerated excitement and anxiety, a father will often betray the conflicting nature of the emotions that beset him at the time of the birth of his child; while the manifold crude superstitions and practices and the numerous unreasonable beliefs and attitudes that are connected with pregnancy and birth serve further to demonstrate the archaic, and therefore fundamental, nature of the ideas and feelings that centre round these events[212].

The hostility which a parent may harbour towards his child or children from the causes we have been considering Parent-child hostility in later life will, under happy conditions of individual and family development, tend naturally to diminish as time passes and permits of adjustment to the new circumstances occasioned by the existence of the children. More especially of course, the feelings of hatred and jealousy, which may originally have been aroused, will usually be overcome, or at least adequately held in check, by the feelings of parental love which are brought into play by contact with the child and by the process of providing for its needs. Even in the most devoted parents there usually remains however some remnant of jealousy or resentment that lurks in the Unconscious and can be detected by the process of Psycho-Analysis. This is especially the case as regards the relations of parents to the children of their own sex, where the motive of jealousy is liable to be added to the other motives that arise as a result of the sacrifices that have to be incurred by the parent. In general however it may be safely asserted that in no case does the very real antagonism that exists between the activities and enjoyments of the father and mother as individuals and as parents respectively fail to manifest itself in some degree of mental conflict, and that in no case are the hostile feelings against the children that result from this antagonism entirely abolished from the mind.