Corporal Tikitanu, V.C.

by J. C. Fussell

"Eh? No fear! T'that te bally swear word."

"No it's not, Dicky; that's the place all right."

"Oh, py korry, I no like to put t'that on te letter; te gell in te Post Oppis might see him."

The officer whom Henare addressed laughed heartily, and said—

"Your compunction is evidently due to the refining influence of Nurse Bouvard, eh?"

"Oh, go on, you got te rat," he replied.

[pg 28] When he was quite convinced about the Kaiser's address, Henare proceeded to make use of his "gift" at letter-writing for an attack on him by post.

To Kaiser Pilly,
Potdam.

I been come all te way from Noo Zeelan to fight te Sherman soldier in Parani and make him clear outer t'this country. When I come here some feller been tell me all about t'that dirty trick all te Sherman been up to in Parani an Peljimi. No good you say t'that all gammon, it te true talk all right. What te taipo you want to make te wery big fight for? More better you keep your ole Sherman soldier in Shermany—t'that te place for him. Py cat, he not fit for go any more place—cept herra.

I tink you te bally ole fool you tink you goin to beat Englan. No good for you try t'that game. [pg 29]

What about te Maori? He not too many, but py korry he te beggar for the fight.

What about te Pritis Navy? He chase every ploomin Sherman ship off te sea; an keep te Sherman navy in te wery safe place—friten to come out.

What about te wery strong tank, an te wery quick harepeni flyin about everywhere?

Py cripes, you te wery bad ole man make all te fight for nothing. You goin to get lick bimeby.

What te good of t'that silly bloke you got over there—te Klown Prince? he no good for te fight, only for te smoke an te peer.

Now, I tell you what we goin to do, straight. We goin to keep on t'this fight till all you Sherman bloke plown up sky-high. You want ter fight te Pritis; werra, py korry, you got ter fight to te [pg 30] finish up now. No time ter stop an spit on yer hands—got to keep on wid te war widout te holiday. No ploomin harmitis (armistice) for te Pritis—we know t'that trick all right.

If you had enough an want ter stop te bally fight, I tell yer what yer goterdo: Clear out of Parani an Peljimi, an all te place where ye got no ploomin right to stop in; pay all te peoples for te house an te pretty church you been burn an break him down; give Englan all t'that navy which he hidin away in te dark; an, t'then dont you try t'this dirty trick any more, or py cripes you get wipe off te map nex time. T'this letter no te humbug, he te true talk; you find that out bimeby all right. Py cripes, you goin ter get it straight for the start this wery bad war. You better hurry up quick an get sorry, plenty more Maori boy in Noo Zeelan gettin ready to come an fight.

Henare Tikitanu.

[pg 31] Henare took great pains to write what he felt was a very convincing ultimatum—and, after much scratching out and altering, he sealed the letter and gave it to an airman to drop behind the German lines. The censor passed it with a merry laugh.