The adventurous lady

by J. C. Snaith

“I hope, Pot,” said that critic when the second rehearsal had come to its dismal end and a dark specter was invading Sir Toby’s life, “you were not such a fool as to let Jupp see the list of your people.”

Sir Toby ingenuously admitted that he had.

“Hence the pyramids, my boy.” The relentless Garden chuckled. “Unavoidably detained. Important business. Great Cumberland place!” Flaneur of the Dramatic and Sporting Weekly whistled a few bars of Chopin’s Funeral March. “You little fathead, you ought to be bled for the simples!”

“I assure you, old man,” said Sir Toby, almost tearfully, “Lady Elfreda simply knocked ’em endways in Yorkshire in the ‘Duke of Killiecrankie.’”

“But you can’t hear a word she says.”

It was fatally true, and there was the crux of the whole matter. The star artiste, upon whom so very much depended, might never have been on a stage before. So far she was grievously disappointing. She showed little intelligence and less aptitude, and she was so shy of opening her mouth that it seemed certain that “on the night” she would not be heard by the first row of stalls.

So much was clear already even to the capacity of Sir Toby Philpot. Indeed it was slowly beginning to dawn upon him that somebody must have been “pulling his leg.” He had been too ready to take the word of others, of Monty Jupp for example, that Lady Elfreda had so much talent, “that she could play the ingénués out of all the West End theaters.” That was the memorable phrase the sagacious and admired Montagu had used. The old wretch had simply been pulling his leg. No wonder that important business kept him from Clavering St. Mary’s. “What a fool I have been,” reflected the despondent author, “not to take the simple precaution of seeing the girl act before counting upon her to pull us through.”

In the course of the third rehearsal, which proved even more trying than the other two, the company began to show unmistakable signs of mutiny. Mrs. Spencer-Jobling, for instance, who felt she had a reputation to lose on the stage if nowhere else, became so openly and mordantly sarcastic that she actually reduced the leading lady to tears. Later in the day a sort of informal meeting was held in the library, at which Garden presided, in the course of which it was decided to present an ultimatum to Sir Toby. Either he must obtain professional assistance and advice or the cast would throw up their parts en masse.

Only five days now remained, for on the following Tuesday the performance was due in the Assembly Rooms. Faced by this ultimatum Sir Toby was in despair. But one fact was clear. If the situation was to be saved a Titan was called for. At all hazards the recalcitrant Montagu must come down to Clavering Park. And all the art, all the tact, all the experience of even that superman would be necessary if the curtain was to rise on Tuesday afternoon.

With the ferocity of despair Sir Toby telephoned at once to the great man’s chambers in the Albany. Alas, Mr. Montagu Jupp was out of town, but he was expected from Newmarket in the course of that evening. Soon after dinner Sir Toby telephoned again, but Montagu had not returned. Finally, on the verge of midnight, the author telephoned a third time and on this occasion success rewarded him. The authentic voice of Montagu informed him that he had just donned his pyjamas. That plea, however, was of no avail; for a long twenty minutes he had to suffer the prayers and the entreaties of the unlucky author of “The Lady of Laxton.” But to these he was deaf. Mr. Montagu Jupp had reasons of his own for not throwing himself into the breach. He remained adamant. Important business must keep him in town for at least another week, shamelessly adding particularly as he had just lost a valuable day at Newmarket.