“Git!” I said, gazing round for a boot-jack or a poker, or something equally likely to debase his physical beauty.
“Ta-ta then, see you later!”
To my infinite joy he appeared to be taking the hint. But he had only just conducted his infernal smile to the right side of the window, when he jerked it back again, and said:—
“Oh, I forgot! I say, Dimsdale, I ought to tell you this. I rather think Billy was drunk last night. His eyes are as red as a ferret’s this morning, and his housekeeper told me in confidence that when she got up this morning and went to call him she found master’s umbrella in bed and master sleeping in the umbrella-stand.”
“No, don’t say that,” I gasped, with a sinking at the heart. Alas! we’d only got two bowlers, and Billy was the one on whom we depended most.
“Fact!” said the General Nuisance cheerfully; “wouldn’t trouble you with it if I thought it wasn’t true. Lawson drove up with the Doctor as I came away. I implored our gentle secretary not to mourn, since a few Seidlitzs and a stomach-pump can do a lot in a very little time. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but it is generally slow bowlers who resort to intemperance, because as they’ve only got to lose their perfect length to embitter the lives of others, their possibilities become quite unbearable on a big occasion. At the M.C.C. match Lawson sat beside him at lunch both days counting his liqueurs. Poor old Lawson! I felt it my duty to assure him just now that it really took very little to make Billy lose his length. I also took the liberty of reminding him of what happened when he lost it once before, against Emeriti,—
5 overs.0 maidens.51 runs.0 wickets.
and Emeriti had got quite an ordinary side.”
Just as the muffineer arrived at the head of the General Nuisance, the General Nuisance was mean enough to duck. This act enabled the muffineer to crash through the plate-glass window.
“Timed that to a ‘T,’” said he. “Can see absolutely anything this morning. Certain to book fifty if I once get in, which I take to be a strong enough reason why an inscrutable Providence will cause us to lose the toss and keep me in the field all day.”