1. Cultivate a pleasing manner.—Any one can be civil and polite if he sets himself to be so. Some suppose that it is unworthy of a robust character to be gentle in demeanor, that it indicates a certain amount of effeminacy, and that strength and gruffness go together. We hear men spoken of sometimes approvingly as "rough diamonds." But history tells us that the noblest and strongest have been the most tender and courteous. King Robert the Bruce was "brave as a lion, tender-hearted as a woman." "Sir Walter Raleigh was every inch a man, a brave soldier, a brilliant courtier, and yet a mirror of courtesy. Nobody would accuse Sir Philip Sidney of having been deficient in manliness, yet his fine manners were proverbial. It is the courtesy of Bayard, the knight, sans peur et sans reproche, which has immortalized him quite as much as his valor." [2] It is not beneath us to study good manners. To a great extent they come naturally from refinement of disposition and inborn delicacy of feeling. But they may also, to a great extent, be learned and acquired. "Watch," it has wisely been said, "those of excellent reputation in manners. Catch the temper of the great masters of literature—the nobility of Scott, the sincerity of Thackeray, the heartiness of Dickens, the tenderness of Macdonald, the delicacy of Tennyson, the grace of Longfellow, the repose of Shakespeare." It is well worth while for every young man beginning life to form a true idea of what good manners are, and to make it his constant effort to acquire them.
2. Avoid eccentricity.—Eccentricity is the deliberate endeavor to make ourselves different from those around us. (a) Some show it in their dress by wearing garments often of outrageous shape and hue. (b) Some show it in their speech by striving to say things that they think especially smart. (c) Some show it in their actions by striking forced attitudes, and putting themselves in grotesque positions. It all springs from love of notoriety and desire to be thought different from their neighbors. It is the mark, as a rule, of fops and fools, and an indication of weakness of character. It is fundamentally inconsistent with good manners. Johnson was called ursa major, or big bear, from the gruffness of his manner. This was probably natural to him, but many affect a similar manner from a desire to be eccentric. The "big bears" of society are odious. Johnson's own words are applicable to such: "A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one—no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down." Those also who are ever trying to say things which they think smart, but which are often impudent, and meant to give annoyance, ought to receive no countenance. "Sir," said one such person in his Irish brogue to Dean Swift, "I sit (set) up for being a wit." "Then, sir," said the Dean, "I advise you to sit down." Similar people should be treated in the same way.
3. Try to conquer shyness.—This is constitutional with some, but even when this is the case it can be overcome by taking pains. The shy man is often awkward in manner; and, what is worse, he often gives the impression to others of being rude, when he has no intention to be so. There are those who, in their own family and among their own friends, are known to be warm-hearted, kind and gentle, but who, from this defect of which we speak, have a reputation far from enviable. Any young man who is afflicted with it should set himself resolutely to get the better of it.
4. We should be especially courteous to those below us in station.—To servants in our house, to those in our employ, to the poor, we should be marked in our civility. "It is the very essence of gentlemanhood that one is polite to the weak, the poor, the friendless, the humble, the miserable, the degraded." The conduct of our Lord to such is ever worthy of our imitation. Indeed, as it has been well remarked, the character of men and women is perhaps better known "by the treatment of those below them than by anything else; for to them they rarely play the hypocrite." The man who is a bully and abusive to those weaker or less fortunate than himself, is at heart a poor creature; though, in company of his equals, he may be affable and polished enough. For example, Kingsley mentions regarding Sir Sydney Smith that "the love he won was because, without any conscious intention, he treated rich and poor, his own servants, and the noblemen, his guests, alike courteously, cheerfully, considerately, affectionately, bearing a blessing and reaping a blessing wherever he was." When a celebrated man returned the salute of a negro, he was reminded that he had done what was very unfashionable. "Perhaps so," he replied, "but I would not be outdone in good manners by a negro."
"Good words," says holy George Herbert, "are worth much, and cost little." The same may be said of good manners.
[1] The Secret of Success.
[2] Plain Living and High Thinking.
CHAPTER XI.
TEMPER.[1]
Temper is the harmonious and well-balanced working of the different powers of the mind. Good temper is when harmony is maintained; bad temper when it is violated. "Temper," it was said by an English bishop, "is nine-tenths of Christianity." We may think this an exaggerated statement, but there is much to commend it. The fruit of the Spirit of God is peace, and peace is the condition of a heart which is at rest—in harmony with God and man. Peace may be taken as the Scriptural word for temper.