The eventful history of the church of Israel is very striking and important. Loved, chosen in Egypt, delivered, brought into a desert wilderness; yet maintained miraculously, screened, preserved, brought through the Jordan of trouble into the promised land; enemies falling before them; privileged with the symbols of the Divine presence, and kept by Divine power.
How very important is the language of Moses on this subject. He found him in a desert land, and in a waste howling wilderness; he led him about; he instructed him; he kept him as the apple of his eye; but, alas! what a rebellious, unbelieving, perverse, fretful, and ungrateful people, prone to idolatry, negligent, and disobedient: such, alas! am I.
Reader, what say you of your own heart? Is it not too much your case? After all that God hath done for you, have you not cause, as well as me, to take shame and confusion of face to yourself? On this account God resented the idolatry of that people. Invaded by the Assyrians, and at last led away captive to Babylon. This last was an awful blow to them: yet they were commanded to submit to the stroke; and those who did not, were to perish in some awful way, which they did, as related in the prophecy of Jeremiah. But those that escaped the sword were ordered to go and submit to God’s sentence, by bowing to the king of Babylon’s yoke. The Lord promised to be a little sanctuary to them, even in their captivity; and hence, although they suffered such privations, the Lord was with them; supported, kept, preserved, and blest them there. Surely I discover the analogy; I have been dealt with in a similar way. I mention it to my own shame and the glory of Divine goodness, which I have experienced all my days; and especially in my captivity. Although my troubles were small, considering my situation, yet my mind was very frequently racked with my affairs without. Some only came to visit me out of mere curiosity; others to mortify my feelings; quite forgetting the Divine prohibition—“Oppress not the poor, nor the afflicted in the gate.”
Some of the preachers who occupied the pulpit were very treacherous; and one poor creature had the daring impudence to declare the Lord had often told him, that I should never return to preach in that pulpit again—but it is evident he was a lying prophet, as I have preached in that pulpit and place above 1200 times in less than four years since. We had many such prophets and prophetesses, but, as they ran without being sent, they soon ran themselves out of breath.
Fearing I should die, I set my house in the best order I could. To those of whom I was obliged to borrow money in trouble, I sent or willed an equivalent, which eased my mind, and gave them satisfaction. My family was also disposed of; my eldest daughter was with her mother-in-law, assisting her, and receiving education and domestic improvement. My youngest was in the care of the very dear and kind friends, who had brought her up free of expence to me; which is friendship indeed—the most pure and disinterested, perhaps, to be found in this lower world. My eldest son was at boarding-school, comfortably maintained; and my dear afflicted boy, well known to you, and beloved by all that knew him was principally in the care of our old and faithful servant, at home.
I remember reading of good Mr. Bunyan, while in prison; how his poor mind was at times troubled about his family, especially his dear blind daughter; but the Lord supported them all, till his deliverance. Thus the Lord dealt kindly with me, in this instance, although I shed thousands of tears about them.
Some severe trials came on me shortly after my incarceration in this valley of Achor. The recognizances had not been withdrawn from the court; and, as I was paying the debt of the law, no acquaintance of mine knew any thing about such an affair—and as my solicitor, I should suppose, must have known the rules of the Court of King’s Bench, I was grieved he did not attend to this essential point, as I gave him ten pounds, only two days before my confinement, to settle all matters in the court, which he neglected to do; the consequence was, the gentlemen who were bail for me, were troubled for the money: this really hurt my feelings worse than all the troubles I had met with—but an able attorney made application to the court, and settled it with very little expence. I judge it expedient that I should mention this, to give information to any that may fall into like circumstances; for I really knew no more of law than the servant of the prophet knew of botany, when he gathered his lap full of wild gourds, and had nearly poisoned the whole school. 2 Kings, iv. 39. Soon after this, another trouble arose amongst the congregation, about the place of worship; and here were many contentions. My sincere friends, fearing some persons were laying plans to get it out of my hands, and, for want of understanding each other, a great deal of warmth was manifested on both sides. These things being daily brought to me, exceedingly troubled my spirit; but, after praying, these words came with power to my soul—“They shall not build, and another inhabit.” And, as the subject was much on my mind in the day, it was not to be wondered at that it should affect me in the night; as I one night dreamed of a chariot, which I had often dreamt of before—as it passed by me, I saw, on the back of it, in very large letters, “Immanuel! God with us!” When I awoke, I felt a holy confidence all would be well upon that business, and so if proved the night before, but I knew it not till next day at noon. What a mercy to be enabled to call on the Lord in every time of trouble, and to watch his good hand. But I was no sooner released from this anxiety, than a fresh trouble arose. A gentleman who had been, till this time, almost a stranger to myself and the church, was raised up of God, in this hour of need, to look after my outward affairs, and this he did freely and kindly; he was truly assiduous, nor did he spare any pains, time, trouble, or money to do me good; and, though God had been pleased to remove others, on whom I depended, he mercifully raised up one to act as a friend, whom I hardly knew. Like Nicodemus, who could not, or dare not, scarcely own the Saviour in his life, yet paid him honours at his death.
“A friend in need is a friend indeed.” This old, but just adage, reminds me of what school-boys are taught—
“Tell me, ye knowing and discerning few,
Where I may find the friend that’s firm and true;
Who dare stand by me, when in deep distress,
And then his love and friendship most express.”
This friend, in the height of his praise-worthy conduct, was very shamefully imposed upon by an artful villain, who professed to have great influence with the higher powers—and by this means he, at different times, obtained a large sum of money of him, under the specious pretext of obtaining my liberation. This was carried on for some months, till Mr. D. began to suspect there was some villainy in it; and, upon enquiry at the Secretary of State’s Office, found it as he feared. The base character was apprehended, and justly imprisoned for it. This was another severe blow to me, taking all the circumstances into the account; yet the pleasing hopes of liberty wore away many tedious months, till patience received strength.