To all my weak complaints and cries,
Thy mercy lent an ear,
Before my feeble thoughts had learn’d
To form themselves in prayer.
LETTER V.
“Who hath remembered me in my low days, for his mercy endureth for ever.”
To —
As you had some knowledge of me, during a part of my juvenile days, and have been many years an eye and an ear witness of the Lord’s dealings with me, since that period; I conceive it my duty to give you some little information of the earlier part of my life, till that time, in which we became acquainted. Our most blessed Lord never loses sight of his dear children, although they are hid in the sand of sin, the world, or obscurity; nor should I ever have attempted to make this information public, had not my enemies invented so many awful falsehoods concerning me, and my friends entreat for my memoirs, for their own information, that they might glorify God, on my behalf, who remembered me in my low estate. I cannot relate any thing marvelous in my case, as many can, who have been exposed to imminent peril, by sea or land. I recollect once being out with a family, on a Sunday party, and having a glass coach for the day; I was appointed to ride behind it; this was a treat for me, though conscience, even in my state of ignorance, convinced me it was wrong, thus to violate the Lord’s day. I am astonished at the parties of pleasure that are formed on that sacred day, in this professing country; nor do the awful judgments that have, and do constantly befal hundreds, deter from this shameful practice. I recollect once, hearing a solemn expression from the pulpit, “O could you listen to the shrieks of the damned in hell, you would hear their exclaim ‘Sunday visiting, and Sunday pleasure taking, are my damnation.’”—But to return to the event of our coming home in the evening, I let go my hold of the coach strings, and fell backwards on the ground; here I lay for a time, almost insensible, and had it been dark, and many carriages passing at the time, I must inevitably have lost my life. Speaking after the manner of men. Another time, I met with an accident, in ascending a ladder, which broke under me; but, through mercy, I was thrown, I am sure, by an invisible hand, to a wall, which I was enabled to lay hold of, and was saved from broken limbs, and perhaps death. Being employed in melting brimstone, of which our moulds, in my trade were made, I believe, through carelessness, I let it boil over, and in endeavouring to save the rest, and prevent the house from being burnt down, my hands were covered with the burning brimstone, and no further accident happened. I might mention a variety of similar occurrences which plainly shew, to the honor of Almighty grace, that I was preserved by his hand, through the instrumentality of his holy angels, till called: “for he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.” What belongs to the covenant head, is most blessedly fulfilled in the covenant body. During my apprenticeship, I waded through many toils, hardships, and much ill usage, the effects of which, I still feel in my constitution. Such ill treatment, perhaps, I might not have received, had I been blest with the fostering hand of a parent. Confined, at all times, at home, except when sent on errands, or to church—debarred from the society of every one, either male or female—kept to hard labour, seldom allowed a penny, often hungry and badly clothed—a slave, a drudge, and, worst of all, denied the knowledge of that business to which I was bound; these things often made me fret, and shed thousands of tears. What will some masters have to answer for, in the day of God? The latter part of my time, I endeavoured to form an intimacy with some females; which is very natural; but it being discovered, I was forbid to speak to them. One of whom I promised marriage if providence should permit. But long before my apprenticeship expired, she was married to another. She is still alive, and she has visited me within these two years. After I had lost her, another came to live in the house; but we were forbid all intimacy: and an old woman, a relation of the master, was appointed to watch us; so that we could not speak to each other, only when the family was gone to bed; this was running a risk: and this old plague of a woman (I suppose, having been in the oven herself) knew where, when, and how to look after us. One trifling circumstance proved this—I am sure you will smile at the relation, and if it gives offence, I would ask pardon of my reader for the story. The family having retired, myself and fellow-apprentice supposed to be in bed, I slipped down stairs to converse with my darling; but, alas! I was soon detected, as I heard a footstep on the stairs, when I was obliged to hide myself in the cupboard. As soon as the person was gone, I came out of my secrecy, and we renewed our converse—but we were presently disturbed by the old woman, who was roving about the house on pretence of looking for something: hearing this, my companion shut me up in the coal cellar, but in her haste she unfortunately had not shut the door close, though she had turned the key, and taken it with her, intending to return in a few minutes—here the old woman came and found me, like Guy Fawkes, in a corner of the cellar. This was the occasion of a sad uproar. The young woman left her situation, and was soon afterwards married; and I was threatened with being sent to sea; the horrid thoughts of which almost broke my heart. [33] But amidst all the hardships I endured, I never lost my bookish fit, although I had scarcely a moment’s time to read. Every penny I got, I saved till it amounted to sixpence or a shilling, when I soon hied to the bookseller. Many books were given me by the men who worked for my master; and when I arrived at the age of eighteen, I had a tolerable library. It excited the jealousy of my master, to see that I was the favorite of some people, by whose means I had gained such a collection of books, and he determined to take them from me, under the pretence that I had not got them honestly:—he therefore sent for my old master at the Foundling, who advised him, if he had any complaints against me, to make them known to the Committee, at the Hospital; he did so—and I appeared before the gentlemen, to answer for myself. This agitated me very much the night previous, but I was enabled at that time to pour out my soul in prayer, that God would be with me when I should be brought before the Governors, knowing my natural timidity. A person also advised me to set down in writing, as far as I could remember, who gave me money at various times for the different errands I had gone upon. The day arrived, I appeared, and the Lord opened my mouth boldly to answer all the charges. The principal were, that I had changed my religion, and that I was in possession of a great many books which he could not account for. To the first I fully demonstrated that I was most firmly attached to the articles, doctrines, and prayers of the Church of England, and that I went to that church where those truths were preached, the nearest of which was St. Giles in the Fields, on Sunday afternoons, where the pious and faithful Rev. Mr. Shephard preached. This admission gave universal satisfaction; and as to my books, I presented to the Committee a sort of diary, in which I had minuted the particular persons who had given me a few pence, how I had saved them, and what books I had bought with them. They were all perfectly satisfied with my conduct, and requested my master to restore them to me, which he did. The following remark was of course made by all who knew it, that many had been brought before the Committee for being too bad, but never till now was any one brought for being too good. My master lost the day, as he could lay nothing to my charge; for, indeed, it was well known I was strictly moral; I scarcely ever took the name of God in vain, and hated to hear an oath; I detested drink, excepting the weakest beverage, such as water, milk, or tea. I never saw a play, neither in my youth, nor since: though some persons have had the impudence to assert, they have seen me at them. I was guilty of no external enormity whatever, nor did I ever play at games, as boys do; and, sinful as I feel to this day I bless God for his keeping me by his power in youth—I do consider it a mercy to know the Lord and serve him in the days of our youth, before the heart gets hardened in folly, or wrapt up in pharisaic pride: yet I had sin enough within me, as all others have, to damn a world—which I trust has been pardoned through the ever-blessed Saviour. May he be ever dear to your soul.
Yours, truly, J. C.
Oh, how shall words with equal warmth,
The gratitude declare,
That glows within my grateful heart,
But thou can’st read it there.
LETTER VI.
“Let mine outcast dwell with thee, Moab, be thou a covert to him, from the face of the spoiler.”
TO THE SAME.