It is an awful thing when a man deceives himself, and such, alas, is the case with every unconverted character: but no believer in Christ, who is made acquainted with the plague of his own heart, but must lament the hypocrisy he daily feels within himself; and must with joy and grief acknowledge with the truly excellent Erskine—

I’m without guile an Israelite,
Yet like a guileful hypocrite,
Maintaining truth in the inward part,
With falsehood rooted in the heart.

And this is the holy Spirit’s account of a pardoned and justified man in Christ, in whose spirit there is no grille, yet his nature makes him often sigh, O wretched man that I am! I trust the ever blessed Spirit of all grace will most effectually purge away my pride, self-will, stubbornness, rebellion, and carelessness, according to his gracious promise: “And I will purge out the rebels from among you.” But this cannot be accomplished without deep afflictions. You know the generally received maxim—Violent maladies require violent remedies.

Another method the above persons adopt is to degrade my ministry, by asserting that “All I ever advanced was from strength of memory.” If this was the case, it is certainly very much to my credit, that I was so much given to study as to fill my mind with sufficient matter to preach so often as I did, near thirty Sermons a month, for fourteen years, and for these ten years past to the same people.—But you shall hear what an envious preacher said in company, who has just left us: “Oh, as to C’s religion and preaching, he was generally running about with a parcel of gay young people, till the last moment he had to come into the pulpit—and as to Sermons, why he generally went into his study and learned a Sermon by heart, and then came and preached it.” This is so palpable that it is not worth contradicting. How I can be running about with gay young people till preaching time, and at the same time be in my study, learning a Sermon by heart, I don’t know—and yet, would you believe it, this contradiction was received by the company. Some people will believe any thing but the truth; and it is no wonder God permits them to be always in bondage about the minister they professed to be blessed under. It was most justly remarked by a good man, when gossips came to him with a story against his minister, “And pray has not the preacher one good qualification—not one, that you can tell me of, either as a man, a christian, a preacher, a husband, a father, or a neighbour? Strange to tell, if he has not—and if he has, would you call to tell me of that? I believe not.”—Dear Mrs. E. go thou, and do likewise.

As to the present prosecution, whether guilty or not, is not the point; only it is necessary to remind you, the prosecution is not for falling into the crime, but most explicitly for (as they chuse to word it) an intent only. But whether I was actually guilty or not, even of that, let the prosecutor’s own words settle it. He has positively declared, that I was not guilty of any indecorous act to him whatever.—Here I leave this subject to your reflection, and conclude by observing to your last remark, that you disapproved of an assertion of mine once in the pulpit, namely, “That if a child of God had not felt the terrors of the Law yet, perhaps they would before their death, and therefore it was right to expect, or look out for them.” God forbid that I should limit the Holy One of Israel in his operations of grace in the hearts of his children, but this I know, that very few of God’s children has escaped them, though at first they might have been allured into a knowledge of Christ, yet they felt the storm on the road. Abraham, David, Job, Heman, Asaph, Hezekiah, and many others found it, and so may you; it is best to be prepared by a spiritual acquaintance with the Lord Jesus Christ, in his person, work, love, offices, and promises. I thank you for your faithfulness to me—he that rebuketh a wise man shall find favour—and may a full free-grace reward be given thee of the Lord God Almighty, under whose wing thou hast long trusted. Pray for me, that I may be more wise for the future, and more useful to God’s family. And, O help me to praise him, that I am still a bush burning, yet unconsumed, because I am one.

Ruhamah.

LETTER XIII.

Valley of Achor, Nov. 13, 1818.

Mrs. N—H.

MY VERY DEAR FRIEND,