I thank you for your letter. I am always glad to hear how my dear friends go on in the divine life; and if they are not increasing sensibly in faith, hope, and love, yet, if growing downward in humility it is still well. What we are in our fallen state, as sinners, must be learned by us—this is all the hell we shall ever experience in this world, and some have found that to be quite hell enough. Under this painful chastening, Jonah cried out of the belly of hell.—The Psalmist declared God had laid him in the lowest deeps. Jeremiah wished he had never been born—and Job cursed his day!—and all their painful agonies of soul was nothing to be compared to the painful soul-distress which the Lord Jesus felt, when he entered the garden of Gethsemane, and his vast mind was filled with horrors, terrors, and frights—the guilt of sin sunk his spirits, the wrath of God melted his heart—and his agonies were inconceivable.—Oh! what did our Christ endure for some hours, yea, from nine o’clock at night till three the next afternoon: it will never be forgotten by him—his whole mind was taken up with it; every thing else was forgotten.—Sin and wrath, guilt and distress followed on him—wave upon wave, till he expired. And the very posture in which he hung as he died was very important. See his dear arms stretched out to receive you and me. See his dear feet waiting, fastened to the cross, to confer his blessing. See his side wide opened, to shew his heart to us—and see him bow his dear dying head, to kiss the poor returning soul, who is waiting at the foot of the cross till Jesus assures the soul of its interest in him. Here, I hope, my much esteemed friend is waiting. Here he is safe.
But you complain of sin—the Old man. And what is this old man?—it is a continual inclination to sin. Can the brightest saint alter this?—alas, No: And are you not astonished that such poor sinful beings as we are, that we should ever be proud of our rags? Proud, in the sight of God!—such is our depravity. And it is from this same source you feel so much deadness in divine things, so much darkness in soul, and such carelessness and wanderings in your best moments; these all spring from the heart, which we find to be bad indeed. I once knew a little of it, and often preached about it, but my views of it are much deeper now—I both see and feel, groan under and hate, what I cannot get rid of. O could I but get rid of what I feel, how happy should I be. There is but one remedy left, and that is a more blessed acquaintance with the dear Saviour, and the enjoyment of high and heavenly communion with him. To this blessing I humbly aspire. This fevor I am praying daily for—this, and this only, is the cure of all our spiritual diseases. This will make me happy in captivity, and contented with the will of God. But, alas, I am very rebellious! What a mercy when we can see that every trial, cross, loss, disappointment, pain, and difficulty is in covenant love, flowing to us, because God has loved us; and to conform us to his lovely image, we want the mind kept by an almighty power—still, resigned, quiet, and composed, as a hand ought to be steady, that holds a glass of some very costly liquid. We want keeping quiet, while God takes the opportunity of pouring into the soul the precious consolations; and helps us to believe that whatever happens, is certainly right, and will be for the best. I have heard of a man, that whatever he met with, he said it was for the best. One day, a dog stole his dinner, and his ungodly companions asked him, if that was for the best? They all being at work in the quarry, the man said, he would just run and see if the dog had eat all his dinner; and while he was gone out, the pit fell in, and killed all his companions. Thus it was for the best that the dog should steal his dinner.
I find there is nothing like prayer, reflection, and gratitude; but I am exactly like yourself; I am distressed with those opposite sinful propensities, which it is impossible to avoid; these intercept my peace, perplex my soul, grieve my spirit, becloud my evidences, and often steal my heart from God, till the Saviour shines again, and then I am renewed, refreshed, and strengthened again. May your spirit often thus experience the very gracious operations of the Holy Spirit, causing you to know, trust, and love the person of Jesus, as your covenant head, alone Saviour, all-sufficient righteousness and atoning sacrifice, ever-living intercessor and wonderful counsellor. May he be more precious to your heart, and dearer to your soul, in life and death; and may the same grace rest on your dear partner in life, and family, is the earnest prayer, and hearty wish, of your ever sincere and grateful
Ruhamah.
LETTER XXVI.
Valley of Achor, Sept. 5th, 1818.
Mrs. Dudley.
MY DEAR TRIED FRIEND,
The Lord accepts the will for the deed, from his dear people. You: would do me much good, if it lay in your power; but the Lord has enabled you to say, To will, is present with me; and the Apostle says, If there was a willing mind, it is accepted. David wanted to build an house for the Lord, but he had not liberty; yet the dear Saviour sent him word, it was well it was in his heart. The will was accepted.—Pious Mary had once anointed her Saviour, and she intended to do it again at his burial; but fearing she might not have the honor to embalm him, she came before hand, and anointed him to his burial. The Saviour accepted the will for the deed, and declared, wherever the Gospel was preached, this kind act should be noticed. So we find in our experience. We would love God—without a rival. We would know him as he is in Christ; perfectly; we would enjoy him uninterruptedly; we would hold perpetual communion with him; we would serve him, day and night; we would never dishonour him, grieve him, offend him, or slight him; we would never sin against him any more. But O, we cannot attain to this; how to perform that which is good, we find we cannot. So we would comfort the saints, relieve the afflicted, cheer the disconsolate, plead for the truth, and support the cause of God. Bring into the way of truth all our dear friends; and if it was agreeable to the decrees of God, we would bring in all to the knowledge of the truth—however dark you may feel, however miserable you may seem, I hope the Lord will over-rule that, to bring you out of yourself, daily to die to self, daily to be looking to Jesus, and being satisfied that he is your eternal all, that he has taken away all your guilt, that he has bore all your sins, that he has obeyed for you, that he is your intercessor before the throne, that he lives to plead your cause, manage all your concerns, turn every apparent evil into good, will never leave you until he has done all the good he his promised unto you.
I am a little acquainted with your trials; much as I am tried myself, I would not exchange troubles with you. I thank you for your kind wish, that I may be favored with the divine presence, this is the general prayer of the Lord’s people, for me, and I am much honored with it. What shall I render to the Lord. I hope he is leading me to the knowledge of Christ, it is eternal life to know him; and God has promised us an heart to know him, so as to live upon him, make use of him, and give him all the glory. As this is so capital a blessing, so I must remind you that this is the work of the Holy Ghost, in the heart; and his sacred indwelling, is the presence of God. Let thy Presence go with me, prayed Moses. This was typified by the Cloudy Pillar, which abode upon, encompassed round, and led, protected, and cheered the Israelites, for forty years; and although they often rebelled, fretted, complained, and sinned against God, yet he bore with their manners, changed his conduct, tried them, and permitted them to be beset by enemies, yet he did not take away the cloudy pillar. You know how to apply this subject. I bless God the work is going on in your soul, and if the following things I see in you, and gather from your kind letter, are evidences of the work of God, my dear friend is in possession of it. A being quickened to see the misery of a fallen nature. Humbling views of your own nothingness. An earnest desire for communion with Christ, in his own ordinances. A patient, yet longing, waiting for pardoning love to be manifested to the soul, with power. A daily cross, felt from nature, sin, Satan, and the world. A grief of heart, that you cannot serve the Lord as you desire. Sympathy with the tried people of God. Gratitude for past experiences, of the power of God on the soul. A coming out of self daily, and leaning upon Jesus, the best beloved. This is the path—go on dear Friend—