Valley of Achor, February 2nd. 1818.
Mr. & Mrs. Martin.
MY VERY DEAR, FAITHFUL, and TRIED FRIENDS,
Grace and peace be to you both. I would have wrote before now, but not knowing your direction, I waited till I had the pleasure of hearing of you, which I did this day, from my much esteemed Friend Mrs. Brown. I have no news to relate, I only write to assure you the Lord is very gracious to me; and by his word, and by his spirit, he bears up my sinking mind like pillars of marble. I am a monument of mercy indeed, and so you would say, if you knew my broken heart and afflicted mind. I am at times brought very low, but then I get lifted up from the dunghill, and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour. I trust you will not be moved by the things which have happened to me. There is now and ever will in this world be a peculiar mystery in divine providence; but God is his own interpreter—the dear Saviour is the great Head of the Church, and as he loves us, desires our company, and wants to give some particular expression of his love; so he brings low, empties us, chastens, tries, and alarms us. The cup of salvation being allotted us, we must meet with alarming providences, which are not explained to us, till he reveals himself, as our brother, gives us a double mess, and an exchange of raiment. The things that have befallen me, I trust are in covenant love; the Lord is only putting on his yoke, and opening a way to manifest his grace the clearer, and to prove the riches of his mercy. O that we may yet praise him who is our helper, and in due time will be our deliverer. My sun is gone ten degrees back, like Hezekiah’s, but the Lord will bring it up. My master has given orders, and I, for shame, have taken the lowest seat. I feel convictions of sin sharper, but I find Christ more than ever blessed. O could every brick and book in my room speak, they would tell what passes between God and my soul. I am grieved to be here, on account of my friends, my family, and the cause of God, and my poor heart is at times completely melted. I am in real sorrow, yet I have now, and shall ever have cause to bless God for what I am learning in this painful school.
I would now ask how is my dear afflicted companion in tribulation Mr. M. I trust our dear Lord has appeared for him in his kind providence, and that the Saviour is precious to his soul; I am begging the Lord to teach me how to live a life of faith on the Son of God. Christ himself, when here below, lived and died in faith, and the Apostle said, He lived on Christ as crucified, as his righteousness, his intercessor, his head and representative. This is the life I want to live; but then I find there is no life but as it is given me daily, nor can I exercise this life of faith, but as power is given from above. We live by virtue of being quickened by the spirit, though we often get dead, dark, cold, carnal, and lifeless, so that we can hardly call it a life. But the Apostle says, Not I, but Christ liveth in me. I want my dear Mrs. M. to notice this expression. I hope, as a Child of God, and as deeply tried, I am alive in your mind, I exist, I live in your mind—you often think of me, but you cannot do for me what you would: I take the will for the deed. Now, as we see what it is for a friend to live in us, the subject is clear to you: Christ has an existence in your mind, as you have heard of him; this is the difference between a worldling and a believer; the former hears of Christ, that is enough for him; the other not only hears, but Christ has a place in the mind, as he is set forth in the word: the will makes choice of him, the affections are fixed on him, faith trusts in him, hope expects him, patience waits for him, love enjoys him, and, as our views enlarge, and power is given to see him taking away sin, conscience enjoys peace with God, because it is given to faith to see God is everlastingly at peace with us. Well may the Apostle say, Lord increase our faith; this is what I want, and I hope my much-loved friends are favoured with it. I am at present in the furnace but the Lord regulates the heat, and I am at times so happy I really dont want to come out of it; but sometimes it is so hot, all the dross and tin of my rebellion boils up, and I am astonished the Lord ever lets me live at all. I wonder at his patience and forbearance, and when I taste his mercy and love, my affections are led out to him again, and I long to get to glory to praise him as I desire to do. I have much to be thankful for; my wants are supplied, and the Lord is with me, so that it is better with me now than the last two years of my liberty; the Lord has both pardoned and subdued my sins, and he is leading me on in the divine life—only the weather is cold, nights are long, my company is bad, and I have hardly time or place for reading or writing, except what I get by stealth. How long this trial will last, I know not, I long for it to be over, but I fear I shall loose my sweet seasons. My heart is overcome with grief, when I think of the poor Packet Distress: she is out at sea, in the dark and in the deep. I want my heart fixed at all times, trusting in the Lord; I know it will be well with them that fear the Lord, and I have reason to believe the Lord has blessed me with that grace, and keeps me in it, but we find that more sensibly at one time than another, so David found it; how he feared the Lord when his conscience checked him for cutting off the lappet of Saul’s coat, but where was his fear of God in the Matter of Uriah? We want our weak graces kept alive, maintained, and exercised on their proper object; they must be tried, and as God tries our graces, so he gives us an opportunity of trying him, and as we have found him faithful in times past, so we shall again, to his own honour. He knoweth the path I take, and when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold—Christ is the gold, and we are said to be predestinated to be conformed to his image, both in spirit, trials, and glory. The Apostle has set before us a noble army of cross-bearers, and after he had advised the Church to notice those stars in the 11th of Hebrews, he recommends a perpetual looking at the Son, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross; and a cross is allotted for all the saints, either in soul, body, circumstances, family, from Satan or some sin, from saint or from sinner. This has been the Lot of God’s family, and you cannot say that you have been exempt—many, and deep have been your trials, but you are still the living, the living to praise him. God be with you.
Your’s,
Ruhamah.
LETTER XLII.
Valley of Achor, August 1st, 1819.
Mrs. Harbro.
MY VERY DEAR FRIEND,