How gracious is the Lord: when I cannot believe, still he abideth faithful—Oh! for an heart to love him, and to adore him; but though I have often rebelled, yet, how gracious and faithful he still continues towards me—surely faithfulness is the girdle of his reins. This is the girdle for faith to lay hold of. My faith has only to do with his promises, the whens, the wheres, and the hows; this is the Lord’s work, and not mine. I wish above all things for an increase of faith, of hope, and love; the sweetest is love: but though I have so sweetly felt this lately, it is now suspended, yet I hope it will return. I am now in my old place, a poor, vile, guilty creature, at the feet of Jesus, pleading his work again; and looking now, not at what I feel, but at the satisfaction of Christ, with which the Father is everlastingly well pleased. Here I rest, till love is felt again; my desire is to him, and to the remembrance of his name. Sin works, Satan is busy, but grace still reigns. Thus we see that grace has yet the honor of the field. We have not run back, though we have often been down, the Lord raises us up again, and this motto is our privilege, “I shall arise.” Oh! what a mercy, greater is he that is in us, than he that is in the world. I have cause to be thankful to the Lord that he has thus far led me; but the Devil, at times, almost drives me distracted with the carking cares of what will happen to me. Oh! lay my case before God, that I may have power to cast this burthen on the Lord. I wish I could get over it; yet my fears may be a good sign, better fear than to presume, or grow careless.
Love to Mrs. H. and Daughter,
Ruhamah.
LETTER III.
Valley of Achor, Jan. 10, 1819
To the Same.
DEAR SIR,
I hope you are all well in health. I have been poorly in body and mind, but have been supported; his left hand I found was under my head, but I wanted his right hand to embrace me; the one is daily manifested, and the other is always wanted, though but seldom felt. Yet he has embraced us, and Solomon says, there is a time to embrace, and there is a time to refrain from embracing. Christ received us to the glory of God in the eternal covenant. The Father draws us to Christ, by giving us to feel our sinful state, our weakness and wants; and then by setting before us his dear Son in his ability and willingness to save. In his light we see him, desire him, move in heart after him, and long for a smile of his approbation—to feel it, and enjoy it, knowing that eternal life is in it. These workings of the mind are often attended with fears, bondage, doubts, and misgivings, and these rise as hope gets down; but as faith gathers strength, so we rise above these doubts. This has been my experience for many years, and I have now a good opportunity of watching it. Some, indeed, get to land upon the broad planks of the promises, and sensible manifestations of divine love; but myself, and many more, will arrive as safe home, only by getting hold of a few scattered truths, which we love and embrace. Receive the truth, and the truth shall make you free. And one truth is—I have blotted out as a thick cloud thy sins.—We are all much tried, but it is our appointed lot—discouraged because of the way. And are these the blessings we expect? Is this the lot of God’s elect? Yes; this lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing is of the Lord.—Let this note be read to dear Mrs. H. Grace be with you all.
So prays,
Ruhamah.
LETTER IV.
Valley of Achor, May 21, 1819.