The Merchant of Venice.
A Venetian Merchant who was looking in the lap of luxury was accosted upon the Rialto by a friend who had not seen him for many months. ‘How is this?’ cried the latter. ‘When I last saw you your gaberdine was out at elbows, and now you sail in your own gondola.’ ‘True,’ replied the Merchant, ‘but since then I have met with serious losses, and been obliged to compound with my creditors for ten cents on the dollar.’
Moral.—Composition is the life of trade.
The Honest Newsboy.
A Newsboy was passing along the street, when he chanced to discover a purse of greenbacks. He was at first inclined to conceal it, but repelling the unworthy suggestion, he asked a Venerable Man if it was his’n. The Venerable Man looked at it hurriedly, said it was, patted him on the head, gave him a quarter, and said he would yet be president. The Venerable Man then hastened away, but was arrested for having counterfeit bills in his possession, while the honest Newsboy played penny-ante with his humble quarter and ran it up to $2.62.
Moral.—Honesty is sometimes the best policy.
Though Lanigan’s Fables in prose were at that time a new and brilliant type of humor, it is in his humorous ballads that he surpasses himself, and because of them he remains unique among Canadian humorists. Some of his humorous ballads have also been included in anthologies of American (!) humor, as, for instance, in Roscoe Johnson’s volume, Playday Poetry. The most famous of Lanigan’s humorous ballads is his egregious piece of persiflage, The Ahkoond of Swat. Really, however, much more humorous are Lanigan’s The Amateur Orlando and The Plumber’s Revenge. Their length prevents quotation here. On account of its notoriety and the absolute egregiousness of its comic irresponsibility we select for quotation Lanigan’s The Ahkoond of Swat. To give it color and setting we note briefly the origin of the verses. According to Mr. Burpee the facts are that ‘one evening, after learning the fact from the English mail just received, Lanigan announced that the Akhoond of Swat was dead and that he was writing a poem about him.’ The verses appeared in the next morning paper. Following is the text of the Ahkoond of Swat:—
What, what, what,
What’s the news from Swat?
Sad news,