Hers was the devotion of a true woman; it was self-sacrificing, all-absorbing, undying. Truly she had made him her star that gave her only light. She had no selfish thought, except such selfishness as is begotten by true love—for all love is selfish; it is its very nature to be so. And yet this faithfulness made the man sad. He felt that he could not return her love, however much he might admire her. However much he might feel grateful, however great his worship for her nobleness of nature might be, he must shut his eyes to her charms, close his senses to her silent outpourings of love, for he was another’s, and to that one he must be true, or feel that for evermore the honour which was so very dear to him was sullied, and time could never wipe out the stain again.
Often as he dragged his weary steps along, with the loving Haidee by his side, he mentally asked himself if he was not pursuing a phantom that was luring him to unknown danger. Had he done right in setting his face towards Cawnpore, and could he justify the course he had taken by any amount of logical reasoning? He was striving to do his duty. If he failed, it would be through error of judgment, and not through want of heart.
As the two travellers stood upon the Cawnpore bank of the river Ganges, Harper gave vent to a sigh of relief. But Haidee seemed to be pressed with a weight of sorrow.
“You do not seem well, Haidee,” Harper remarked casually, as he observed the depressed look of his companion. “Your eyes are dull, and your cheek is pale. What is the cause?”
She looked at him almost reproachfully, and her only answer was a long-drawn sigh.
“What is the matter with you?” he asked again, with a good deal of indifference in his tone; for, to confess the truth, his thoughts were far away. He was racked with doubts and fears, and half-regretted that he had yielded consent to come to Cawnpore, instead of returning to his quarters at Meerut.
Her eyes glowed, and her face and neck crimsoned, as she struggled to conceal the emotion which almost choked her, and which his words had caused. Her sensitive nature was wounded by his indifference, and she shrank away, as it were, like a startled fawn.
“Why do you sting me?” she exclaimed, when she could speak.
“Sting you, Haidee! What do you mean?” as he turned upon her quickly, and coming back again to a sense of his true position.
“Why do you ask me what is the matter, in a tone that betrays too plainly that you take no interest in the question?”