Curious anecdotes are related of this unbecoming subserviency. A courtly doctor, when attending one of the princesses, was asked by George III. if he did not think a little ice might benefit her. “Your majesty is right,” was the reply; “I shall order some forthwith.” “But perhaps it might be too cold,” added the kind monarch. “Perhaps your majesty is right again; therefore her royal highness had better get it warmed.”
This absurd deference to rank and etiquette by a physician who at the moment is superior to all around him, reminds one of an account given by Champfort of a fashionable doctor. “D’Alembert was spending the evening at Madame Du Deffand’s, where were also President Hénault and M. Pont de Vesle. On this flexible physician’s entering the room, he bowed to the lady with the formal salutation, ‘Madame, je vous présente mes très humbles respects.’ Then, addressing M. Hénault, ‘J’ai bien l’honneur de vous saluer.’ Turning round to M. de Vesle he obsequiously said, ‘Monsieur, je suis votre très humble serviteur;’ and at last, condescending to speak to D’Alembert, he nodded to him with a ‘Bonjour, Monsieur!’” On such occasions a condescending smile from power is considered a fee.
Reluctance in remunerating medical attendants was also manifested by the ancients; and Seneca has treated the subject at some length. The difficulty in obtaining remuneration has unfortunately rendered many physicians somewhat sordid, and loth to give an opinion unless paid for. In this they are unquestionably right, as gratuitous advice is seldom heeded; and one of the most distinguished practitioners used to say, that he considered a fee so necessary to give weight to an opinion, that, when he looked at his own tongue in the glass, he slipped a guinea from one pocket into another.
To consider themselves in proper hands, patients must incur expenses, and as much physic as possible be poured down. Malouin, physician to the Queen of France, was so fond of drugging, that it is told of him, that once having a most patient patient, who diligently and punctually swallowed all the stuff he ordered, he was so delighted in seeing all the phials and pill-boxes cleaned out, that he shook him cordially by the hand, exclaiming, “My dear sir, it really affords me pleasure to attend you, and you deserve to be ill.” Our apothecaries must surely meet with incessant delight!
The most extraordinary remuneration was that received by Levett, Dr. Johnson’s friend and frequent companion. It was observed of him that he was the only man who ever became intoxicated from motives of prudence. His patients, knowing his irregular habits, used frequently to substitute a glass of spirits for a fee; and Levett reflected that if he did not accept the gin or brandy offered to him, he could have been no gainer by their cure, as they most probably had nothing else to give him. Dr. Johnson says “that this habit of taking a fee in whatever shape it was exhibited, could not be put off by advice or admonition of any kind. He would swallow what he did not like, nay, what he knew would injure him, rather than go home with an idea that his skill had been exerted without recompence; and had his patients,” continues Johnson, “maliciously combined to reward him with meat and strong liquors, instead of money, he would either have burst, like the dragon in the Apocrypha, through repletion, or been scorched up, like Portia, by swallowing fire.” But though this worthy was thus rapacious, he never demanded any thing from the poor, and was remarked for his charitable conduct towards them.
Various professional persons have sometimes endeavoured to remunerate their medical attendants by reciprocal services: thus an opera-dancer offered to give lessons to a physician’s daughters for their father’s attendance upon him; and a dentist has been known to propose to take care of the jaws of a whole family to liquidate his wine bill. One of the wealthiest merchants of Bordeaux wanted to reduce the price of a drawing-master’s lessons, on the score of his taking his children’s daubs with him to sell them on account. This arrangement, however, did not suit the indignant artist, who left the Crœsus in disgust.
A singular charge for medical attendance was lately brought before the court of requests of Calcutta, by a native practitioner. He demanded 314 rupees for medicine alone, and in the items of drugs appeared pearls, gold leaf, and monkeys’ navels!
In one of the old French farces there is an absurd scene between Harlequin and his physician. The motley hero had been cured, but refused to remunerate his Esculapius, who brought an action for his fees, when Harlequin declares to the judge that he would rather be sick again; and he therefore offers to return his health to the doctor, provided he would give him back his ailments, that each party might thus recover their own property. This incident was perhaps founded on an ancient opinion of Hippocrates, who frequently mentioned salutary diseases. In 1729, a Dr. Villars supported a thesis on this subject, entitled “Dantur-ne morbi salutares?” and Theodore Van Ween has also written a learned dissertation on the same subject.
A celebrated Dublin surgeon was once known to give a lesson of economy to a wealthy and fashionable young man remarkably fond of his handsome face and person. He was sent for, and found the patient seated by a table, resting his cheek upon his hand, whilst before him was displayed a five-pound note. After some little hesitation he removed his hand, and displayed a small mole on the cheek. “Do you observe this mark, doctor?”—“Yes, sir, I do.”—“I wish to have it removed.”—“Does it inconvenience you?”—“Not in the least.”—“Then why wish for its extirpation?”—“I do not like the look of it.”—“Sir,” replied the surgeon, “I am not in the habit of being disturbed for such trifles; moreover, I think that that little excrescence had better remain untouched, since it gives you no uneasiness; and I make it a rule only to take from my patients what is troublesome to them.” So saying, he took the five-pound note, slipped it into his pocket, and walked out of the room, leaving the patient in a state of perfect astonishment.
It is related of a physician who received his daily fee from a rich old miser, who had it clenched in his fist when he arrived, and turned his head away when he opened his hand for the doctor to take it, that, on being informed his patient had died in the morning, not in the least disconcerted he walked up to the dead man’s chamber, and found his clenched fist stretched out as usual; presuming that it still grasped the accustomed remuneration, with some difficulty he opened the fingers, took out the guinea, and departed.