WHEREAS it is our will and desire to maintain a clear course, so that we may be kept placed in the races of the earth, and that our people may continue to have a handy capacity for all athletic sports, likewise to avert the risk of the mussels of our subjects getting limp at the end of our royal line by any shellfish a’baiting (after the barb’rous manner of the fishy policy of the Angles) of the care bestowed by it on generations yet unborn—
We have thought it would fit, with or without the advice of our Prating Council, and the Cakes of our Parliament, to appoint and declare, and we do hereby, by and with, or passing by and without the said advice, appoint and declare, that immediately, or even sooner, all who hear or do not hear of this proclamation, shall assemble without delay on a spot to be fixed by us at some future time, there to hold our annual games.
ODD JOBS.
And our will and pleasure further is, that prizes be awarded to those of our subjects who display the greatest skill in performing any of the following feats of agility and strength:—
I. Running up a bill with spears and ponds.
II. Taking a spring from a well in dancing pumps.
III. Carrying 6 Woolwich infants in an estimate.
IV. Handling a weighty argument, and hurling it at an adversary.
V. Knocking down a five-storey house by one blow of a hammer at the bidding of the purchaser.
VI. Carrying a measure with a Committee sitting upon it through two Houses.