“No, I’ve one left—it’s the right one that’s gone.”
“Well, well, but you don’t need to have it left so; they’ll right you at any retail place in no time.”
“Enough of chops, and cutlets, and tails,” suddenly shouted the king; “now for the royal stakes—is that course ready?”
RACY ENTREES.
“Yes, your Majesty,” said the Secretary of Steak; “the entries are just over, and so the beef-eaters can come on now.” They soon got through the removes necessary, and the game course cleared; whereupon the king’s and queen’s suites were set in their places, including the cream of society, and a following which was quite the cheese.
“Now,” said the king, “every man shall have his desert. Go on with the heats,”—heats being apparently the Blunderland substitute for ices.
VERY DISTONGUEE.
This injunction made the officials warm to their work, so that all was quickly ready, and the competitors came running up to take their places. They were a funny-looking set altogether. There was a fast young gentleman, who looked as if he had not been in bed all night, but had just come out of a bandbox. There was a scarlet-runner, who was the pink of condition; a post-runner, who of course was clad in a mail suit; a fore-runner, who went sometimes on his fore legs, and sometimes on his four legs; and an old woman, who said she would warrant her tongue to go faster, and to run on longer, than anybody on the ground. A solemn discussion arose among the judges, upon the question whether a tongue could be allowed to enter for the race; and it was at last decided that it must not, as the race was a flat one, while the old woman’s tongue was more than usually sharp.
The aged dame was very angry at this, her much-despised member going on at such a rate, that she, when told to hold it, excused herself on the ground that it was going too fast to be caught up without a stretch of imagination, which, at her age, was quite beyond her powers. So, as her tongue could not be stopped, the police took a homœopathic process, and simply ordered her and the offender to “move on;” whereupon, with female contradiction, she did the very opposite, and moved off.