“Our stay at Gibraltar was not productive of much gaiety to us; we dined only twice on shore, and both times with General Fox, the Governor. We had engagements for several succeeding days on our hands; but this change of wind making it necessary for us to move off, our friends were left to lament our absence, and eat the fatted calf without us. I believe I have mentioned in a former letter that the young lady I admired so much (Miss Smith) was married to the Colonel Keen, whom Sutton will not acknowledge as an acquaintance. As a matter of civility, I called with the Admiral Louis to make them a morning visit, but we were not fortunate enough to find them at home, which, of course, I very much regretted. The last evening of our stay at Gibraltar we went, after dining with the General, to see Othello performed by some of the officers of the garrison. The theatre is small, but very neatly fitted up; the dresses and scenery appeared good, and I might say the same of the acting could I have seen or heard anything of it; but, although I was honoured with a seat in the Governor’s box at the commencement of the performance, yet I did not long profit by it, for one of his aide-de-camps, happening to be married, and his lady happening also to come in during the first scene, I was obliged to resign my situation, happy to have it in my power to accommodate a fair one. The play was Othello, and by what I have been able to collect from the opinions of those who were more advantageously situated for seeing and hearing than myself, I did not experience a very severe loss from my complaisance. I believe the Admiral was not much better amused than I was, for, at the expiration of the first act, he proposed departing, which I very readily agreed to, as I had for some time found the house insufferably close and hot. I hardly need add that the evening was not quite so productive of pleasure to me as the last theatrical representation I had witnessed, which was at Covent Garden some time in the beginning of February last, when I had the honour of being seated by a fair young lady, with whom I became slightly acquainted the preceding year at Ramsgate.
“Do you happen to recollect anything of the evening? I think you do, and that you will not readily forget it.
“October 18.—The hopes with which I had flattered myself of getting out of the Straits two days ago have not been realised, and, from the circumstances which have since occurred, it is very uncertain when we shall get to the fleet again. The wind on the evening of the 15th came to the westward and forced us back to Tetuan, where we remained till yesterday evening, at which time a frigate came over with orders for Admiral Louis to give protection to a convoy then collected at Gibraltar for Malta, as far as Cartagena, after which he is to return to the Commander-in-Chief. We accordingly came over to the Rock this morning, and are now proceeding as fast as possible with the trade to the eastward. Our force consists of five sail of the line and three frigates, which last we shall leave in charge of the convoy as soon as we have seen them safe past the Cartagena squadron. I can’t say I much like the prospect. I do not expect to derive any advantage from it, and it puts us completely out of the way in case the enemy should make an attempt to get to sea, which is by no means improbable, if he knows Lord Nelson’s force is weakened by the detachment of so many ships. It is since I last wrote to you I believe that your No. 3 has come to hand; it was brought by Brigadier-General Tilson, and was enclosed under cover from Henry. It has been months on the journey. There are still three of yours missing, Nos. 5, 6 and 7, some of which I suppose are gone to seek me in the West Indies, but I trust they will do so in vain there. We have heard from the fleet off Cadiz, and learn that it has been reinforced by the arrival of five men-of-war from England, some of which I hope have brought letters, or they might as well have stayed away. Sir Robert Calder is gone home in the Prince of Wales, which I am sorry has happened during our absence, as by it a very fine opportunity of writing has been lost, which is always a source of regret to me when it occurs. I cannot, however, accuse myself of any neglect, and you will, I hope, as readily acquit me of it; indeed, when you know the circumstances, I am sure you will, though I daresay you will feel rather disappointed to hear a man-of-war has arrived from the Cadiz fleet and find no letter arrived from me, unless you happened to recollect that I expected to go to Gibraltar and, therefore, would probably have been absent when she left the station.
“October 21.—We have just bid adieu to the convoy, without attending them quite so far as was originally intended, having this day received intelligence, by a vessel despatched in pursuit of us, that on Saturday, 19th, the enemy’s fleet was actually under way, and coming out of Cadiz.
“Our situation is peculiarly unpleasant and distressing, for if they escape Lord Nelson’s vigilance and get into the Mediterranean, which is not very likely, we shall be obliged, with our small force, to keep out of their way; and on the other hand, should an action take place, it must be decided long before we could possibly get down even were the wind fair, which at present it is not. As I have no doubt but the event would be highly honourable to our arms, and be at the same time productive of some good prizes, I shall have to lament our absence on such an occasion on a double account, the loss of pecuniary advantage as well as of professional credit. And after having been so many months in a state of constant and unremitting fag, to be at last cut out by a parcel of folk just come from their homes, where some of them were sitting at their ease the greater part of last war, and the whole of this, till just now, is particularly hard and annoying.
“You, perhaps, may not feel this so forcibly as I do, and in your satisfaction at my having avoided the danger of battle may not much regret my losing the credit of having contributed to gain a victory; not so myself!
“I do not profess to like fighting for its own sake, but if there have been an action with the combined fleets I shall ever consider the day on which I sailed from the squadron as the most inauspicious one of my life.
“October 27, off Tetuan.—Alas! my dearest Mary, all my fears are but too fully justified. The fleets have met, and, after a very severe contest, a most decisive victory has been gained by the English twenty-seven over the enemy’s thirty-three. Seventeen of the ships are taken and one is burnt; but I am truly sorry to add that this splendid affair has cost us many lives, and amongst them the most invaluable one to the nation, that of our gallant, and ever-to-be-regreted, Commander-in-Chief, Lord Nelson, who was mortally wounded by a musket shot, and only lived long enough to know his fleet successful. In a public point of view, I consider his loss as the greatest which could have occurred; nor do I hesitate to say there is not an Admiral on the list so eminently calculated for the command of a fleet as he was. I never heard of his equal, nor do I expect again to see such a man. To the soundest judgment he united prompt decision and speedy execution of his plans; and he possessed in a superior degree the happy talent of making every class of persons pleased with their situation and eager to exert themselves in forwarding the public service. As a national benefit I cannot but rejoice that our arms have been once again successful, but at the same time I cannot help feeling how very unfortunate we have been to be away at such a moment, and, by a fatal combination of unfortunate though unavoidable events, to lose all share in the glory of a day which surpasses all which ever went before, is what I cannot think of with any degree of patience; but, as I cannot write upon that subject without complaining, I will drop it for the present, till time and reflection reconcile me a little more to what I know is now inevitable.
CAPTAIN F. W. AUSTEN