‘I have ever appealed to thy tribunal, Lord, from the accusations with which I have been harassed on the earth, and it is with the same confidence that I now appear before thee, knowing that in thy judgments truth prevails. They have accused me of very grievous crimes and of heresy. But in the first place, what have I done? Seeing that, with no regard to thy Word, they abused the common people, and made a mock at them by I know not what sort of drivelling, I dared to contradict their constitutions. Thy Christ was indeed adored as God, but he was virtually without honor; for deprived of his virtue and of his power, he was lost sight of in the crowd of saints, as if merely one of the common mass. There were none who rested in his righteousness alone; and if any one, enjoying thy loving kindness and the righteousness of thy Son, conceived a sure hope of salvation, this was, they said, rash presumption and foolish arrogance. Then, O Lord, thou didst set before me thy Word, like a torch, to make me know how pernicious these things are; and thou hast touched my heart, to the end that I may hold them in abhorrence.
‘They have accused me of schism. But is that man to be reputed a traitor who, when he sees the soldiers quitting the ranks, forgetting their captain, the battle, and the oath which they have taken, scattered, wandering to and fro, raises the standard, calls them back, and sets them again in order? To recall them from such wanderings I have not given to the wind a strange flag, but that noble standard which it is necessary we should follow, if we would be enrolled in the number of thy people. But those whose duty it was to keep the soldiers in good order and who have on the contrary cast them into error, have laid hands on me, and the conflict has been so furious as to break up union. But on which side is the fault? It is for thee, Lord, now to say and to decide.
‘If I had desired to maintain peace with those who boast of being the foremost in the Church, I could have purchased it only by the renunciation of the truth. I have felt it my duty to risk all the dangers of the world rather than stoop to a compact so abominable. But I do not think that by being at war with those great ones I am at variance with thy Church. Thy Son, and thine apostles, had foretold that there would be ravening wolves even amongst those who gave themselves out for pastors. Was I bound then to give them my hand? The prophets were not schismatics by reason of their contending against the priests. For my part, confirmed by their example, I have so persisted in my course that neither their threats nor their denunciations have in the least degree amazed me.
‘Commotions have followed; but as they were not caused by me, they ought not to be imputed to me. Thou knowest well, Lord, that I have had no other object in view except this, that by thy Word all controversy might be terminated. Thou knowest that I have not objected, even at the peril of my life, that peace should be restored in the Church. But what did our adversaries do? Did they not run off suddenly and furiously to the fire, to the gallows, to the sword? Did they not stir up people of all ranks to the same rage?... Hence it has come to pass that such a war has been kindled. And whatever may be thought, I am freed from all fear, since we are before thy judgment-seat where justice and truth meet together.’
HIS FIRST FAITH.
At this point Calvin narrates his conversion. It is an important part of his defence, and we cannot omit it. He still addresses the Supreme Judge:—
‘As for me,[801] Lord, I confessed the Christian faith as I had learnt it from my youth.
‘At that time there were but few people to whom was committed the pursuit of that divine and secret philosophy, and it was with them that the oracles had to be sought. But they had not instructed me well respecting either the adoration of thy divinity, or an assured hope of salvation, or the obligation of a Christian life. To obtain thy mercy they showed no other means than making satisfaction for our sins, and blotting out thy remembrance of them by our good works. They said that thou wast a rigorous judge, severely avenging iniquity; they pointed out how terrible thy look must be, and commanded us to address the saints, to the end that through their intercession thou mightest be made propitious to us. But when I had done all these things, and although to some extent I relied on them, I was very far from having a quiet and trustful conscience. Every time that I descended into myself, or lifted up my heart to thee, a horror so extreme seized upon me that there were neither purifications nor satisfactions that could heal me. The more closely I considered my case, the sharper became the stings with which my conscience was tormented: there was neither solace nor comfort left me.
‘As nothing better was offered me, I pursued the course which I had begun, when there arose an entirely different form of doctrine, not intended to turn us away from the Christian profession, but to trace it back to its real source, and to restore it in its purity, cleansed from all defilement. Offended with this novelty, I would not listen to it; and I confess that at the outset I did courageously resist it. One thing especially kept me from believing those people; this was reverence for the Church.