But to resume. This interview with Major Stodard we were very witty and sprightly. I was darning an apron, upon which he was pleas'd to compliment me. "Well, Miss Sally, what would you do if the British were to come here?" "Do?" exclaim'd I: "be frighten'd just to death!" He laugh'd, and said he would escape their rage by getting behind the representation of a British grenadier that you have up stairs. "Of all things I should like to frighten Tilly with it. Pray, ladies, let's fix it in his chamber to-night." "If thee will take all the blame, we will assist thee." "That I will," he replied; and this was the plan: We had brought some weeks ago a British grenadier from uncle Miles's on purpose to divert us: it is remarkably well executed, six foot high, and makes a martial appearance. This we agreed to stand at the door that opens into the road, (the house has four rooms on a floor, with a wide entry running through,) with another figure that would add to the deceit. One of our servants was to stand behind them; others were to serve as occasion offer'd. After half an hour's converse, in which we rais'd our expectations to the highest pitch, we parted. If our scheme answers, I shall communicate it in the eve. Till then, adieu.
Sixth day night.—Never did I more sincerely wish to possess a descriptive genius than I do now. All that I can write will fall infinitely short of the truly diverting scene that I have been witness of to-night! But, as I mean to attempt an account, I had as well shorten the preface and begin the story.
In the beginning of the evening I went to Liddy and beg'd her to secure the swords and pistols which were in their parlour. The Marylander, hearing our voices, joined us. I told him of our proposal. Whether he thought it a good one or not I can't say, but he approv'd of it, and Liddy went in and brought her apron full of swords and pistols. When this was done, Stodard join'd the officers. We girls went and stood at the first landing of the stairs. The gentlemen were very merry, and chatting on public affairs, when Seaton's negro (observe that Seaton being indisposed was appriz'd of the scheme) open'd the door, a candle in his hand, and said, "There's somebody at the door that wishes to see you." "Who? All of us?" said Tilly. "Yes, sir," said the boy. They all rose, (the Major, as he said afterwards, almost dying with laughter,) and walked into the entry, Tilly first in full expectation of news. The first object that struck his view was a British soldier!
[Singularly enough, this identical effigy of a grenadier has been preserved by the owner of the manuscript, and, by permission, we are enabled to present a drawing of it, colour and all. It is admirably painted on half-inch board, carved out at the edges, and may have been from the brush of Major Andre.—ED.]
In a moment his ears were saluted with, a "Is there any rebel officers here?" in a thundering voice. Not waiting for a second word, he darted like lightning out of the front door, through the yard, bolted o'er the fence. Swamp, fences, thorn-hedges, and plough'd fields no way impeded his retreat! He was soon out of hearing. The woods echoed with, "Which way did he go? Stop him! Surround the house!" The amiable Lipscomb had his hand on the latch of the door, intending to make his escape; Stodard, considering his indisposition, acquainted him with the deceit. We females ran down stairs to join the general laugh. I walked into Jesse's parlour. There sat poor Stodard, (whose sore lips must have receiv'd no advantage from this) almost convuls'd with laughing, rolling in an arm-chair. He said nothing; I believe he could not have spoke. "Major Stodard," said I, "go to call Tilly back. He will lose himself,—indeed he will;" every word interrupted with a "Ha! ha!" At last he rose, and went to the door; and what a loud voice could avail in bringing him back he tried. Figure to thyself this Tilly, of a snowy evening,—no hat,—shoes down at heel,—hair unty'd,—flying across meadows, creeks, and mud-holes. Flying from what? Why, a bit of painted wood! But he was ignorant of what it was. The idea of being made a prisoner wholly engross'd his mind, and his last resource was to run!
After a while, we being in more composure, and our bursts of laughter less frequent, yet by no means subsided,—in full assembly of girls and officers,—Tilly enter'd! The greatest part of my risibility turn'd to pity. Inexpressible confusion had taken entire possession of his countenance,—his fine hair hanging dishevell'd down his shoulders, all splashed with mud; yet his bright confusion and race had not divested him of his beauty. He smil'd as he trip'd up the steps; but 'twas vexation plac'd it on his features. Joy at that moment was banish'd from his heart! He briskly walk'd five or six steps, then stop'd, and took a general survey of us all. "Where have you been, Mr. Tilly?" ask'd one officer. (We girls were silent.) "I really imagin'd," said Major Stodard, "that you were gone for your pistols. I follow'd you to prevent danger!"—an excessive laugh at each question, which it was impossible to restrain. "Pray, where were your pistols, Tilly?" He broke his silence by the following expression: "You may all go to the D—-l!" I never heard him utter an indecent expression before.
At last his good nature gain'd a compleat ascendence over his anger, and, he join'd heartily in the laugh. I will do him the justice to say that he bore it charmingly. No cowardly threats, no vengeance denounced. Stodard caught hold of his coat,—"Come, look at what you ran away from,"—and drag'd him to the door. He gave it a look, said it was very natural, and, by the singularity of his expressions, gave fresh cause for diversion. We all retir'd to our different parlours, for the rest of our faces, if I may say so.