I am scorned and am hated when placed on the ear.
Both of light goods and heavy I carry the trade,
Yet in gold I’m oft clothed and in jewels arrayed.
If bad passion disturb, or should ill-will excite,
I become the forerunner of many a fight.
Yet stranger than all these remarkable things,
I’m a gift oft bestowed by princes and kings.
N.B.—As I find it impossible to display all my qualities and peculiarities in verse, I will endeavor to describe myself more minutely in plain prose. I am either animal, vegetable, or mineral, and though sometimes no bigger than a bright copper penny or a silver sixpence, yet I am at times as large as a room—indeed, I am a room, and can contain several people; and then, too, I am made narrow, and can only contain one horse! In summer and winter I flourish as a vegetable, and am often cut, but never served at table. I am most valued at the end of the year, when I am often given and often taken. Though unlearned, I have given name to a science—a very striking quality you will acknowledge, when you know me. If you discover me, you deserve me as a reward. If you are dull of comprehension, you deserve me as a punishment! May you have your deserts!
