"But it won't take three minutes to tell all I know about that."
"Well then, by Jove, we've got to give back the money."
"Not much! No giving back the money with me; and as I sold the tickets and have the cash, you can rely on that. You have got to do something to entertain these people. You can sing can't you?"
"Indeed I can not."
"Can you whistle?"
"No, sir."
"Can you do anything? Can you speak a piece?"
"Johnston, if my life was at stake I couldn't do a thing! —— the old talking machine anyhow! I wish—"
"Say, I'll tell you what we'll do. I'll announce to them that the Phonograph is too sick to talk, and will give them a choice of three things: Either a lecture on Phrenology or Telegraphy, or an imitation of a Yankee peddler selling his wares at auction; and the moment I say 'auction' you look up and begin to laugh and clap your hands and say, 'Johnston, give them the Yankee peddler; that's the best of all.'"