Portland, Oregon, A.D. 1999, and other sketches

by J. W. Hayes

More Startling Prophecies.

The old lady talked fast now, often stopping for a minute or so to look at what appeared hieroglyphics on her memorandum papers:

“I told you that I was 86 years old and the period that I am talking to you about is just 86 years hence, so that I am merely looking ahead 86 years instead of looking backward that length of time. Please do not confound my subject to the present time for all that I tell you is to take place in 1999 although I speak of it as having already occurred. My foresight is just as keen as my hindsight and all that I am telling you is a reality to me even if it has not yet actually taken place. But it will happen so, and just as I relate it to you.

“I forgot to tell you that the doctors will be under the supervision of the City Commissioners. They will be paid from the city treasury and all fees accruing from the public for medical service will be paid into the municipal treasury. The doctors will be paid according to their ability and civil service examination will be required ere a doctor will be allowed to practice.

“All lawyers will have their offices in the court house and will be assigned to cases as they come up in rotation. Each attorney must work for the best good of his client but all cases will have a preliminary examination before a board of three judges and unless, in their esteem, the case is a meritorious one, it will be summarily thrown out of court.

“Lawyers cannot collect fees from clients but will receive a salary paid out of the common fund, their emoluments greatly depending upon the value of their services, the number of cases each has won, etc. This state of affairs is much appreciated by both practitioner and client and works well.

“The ministers, too, come under the supervision of the City Commission, but as it is impossible for anyone to tell how many souls they save it has been decided that their emoluments must come from their clients who are the better judge of their minister’s value.

“It was in the year 1950 that it became quite observable that corn, wheat, rye and other cereals entering into the production of alcohol had lost the power to ferment and to be converted into beer, wine and whiskey. This was a startling announcement to the old topers but it was nevertheless a fact and the science of making alcohol has become a lost art.

“One would think that this would put the distilleries and breweries out of business, but man is very resourceful and immediately those in the liquor business began casting around for a substitute for their former product and a splendid one was discovered which more than filled all requirements and now, Weinhard’s brewery still managed by Paul Wessinger the Fourth, and the Gambrinus brewery, with a Mr. George Leithoff, Jr., at the helm, are manufacturing a beverage which exhilarates but does not inebriate. Both of these institutions have grown to five times the size of the early part of the century and, inasmuch as there can be no law directed against the sale of their beverages, there is no license fee exacted by the city from the cafes or other resorts retailing these wares. W. J. Van Schuyver & Co., Rothschild Bros., Blumauer, Hoch & Co., L. Germanus, L. Coblentz & Co., still continue in business with new faces, the old names are still on the signs, but they, too, are selling a splendid substitute for alcoholic beverages.”

The old lady paused for a minute and with a laugh remarked, “I’d like to be able to give you of the present day the recipe for this substitute but it would affect the gift I possess of foreshadowing the future and I’ll have to leave it a secret.