The gentleman suggested that, it would probably come under the Act for preventing the wanton destruction of property. His stockings were utterly destroyed; his boots were totally spoiled; and his feet were cruelly scarified! All this had been done wantonly and wilfully, he said; and in corroboration of the premises, he now produced from his pocket the dangling remains of the stockings he wore on the agonizing occasion.
The stockings were utterly spoiled; and after much urging on the part of the gentleman, his worship consented that a summons should be issued for the boot-maker's appearance. However, it came to nothing; for in half an hour after, the gentleman waddled back to the office, and said the boot-maker and he had come to an éclaircissement which would render his worship's interference unnecessary. What was the nature of that éclaircissement did not appear; but certainly the boot-maker who could have the heart to put a poor gentleman to so much misery ought no longer to call himself one of the "gentle craft."
BEAUTY AND THE BROOMSTICK.
Mrs. Mary Evans was brought before the magistrate on a warrant charging her with an assault on the person of Miss Jemima Jennings.
Mrs. Mary Evans was a tall thin matron, somewhat declining into the vale of years; but her countenance—especially the most prominent part of it, which was very prominent indeed—was still blooming with spirituous comforts. Miss Jemima Jennings was a very pretty mild-spoken young woman, with a countenance blooming with youth.
Miss Jemima deposed, that on a certain day named, she happened to be going along a certain street, and, as the weather was very hot, she happened to go into a certain public-house to take a glass of Henry Meux and Co.'s entire. She there happened to see a gentleman, who very politely asked her to take a glass of something short;[18] telling her it would squench her thirst better than porter. She resisted his invitation for some time; but at length she consented to take a drop of something short—a cool dodger of cloves and brandy;[19] and having drank it, she thanked the gentleman for his politeness, and went on her way—pretty considerably refreshed. Next day, she happened to go into the same public-house again—not with any expectation of meeting the same gentleman again, but with the sole intention of taking a dodger of cloves and brandy on her own account—she having derived great comfort from the one she took on the preceding day. It so happened that the gentleman was not there; at which she was very much pleased; for she could not "bear the highdear of being beholding to one gentleman two days together." Whilst she was taking her cloves and brandy, thinking of nothing at all but how very nice it was, who should come in but the defendant, Mrs. Evans, with an "I want to speak to you, young woman." Now she, Miss Jemima, thought this very comical, for the lady was a perfect stranger to her. However, she followed her, up one street, and down another, till at last Mrs. Evans opened the door of a house and said, "pray walk in, Mem;" and in she did walk, wondering what all this could mean. Mrs. Evans, having closed the door, made her a low courtesy, and said, "Have the kindness to walk this way, Mem;" and Miss Jemima followed her along the passage to an inner apartment, like a lamb to the slaughter-house, as she said; for they had no sooner entered the room, than Mrs. Evans seized a broomstick, and without uttering a single word, began to belabour her over the back and shoulders with all her might! Miss Jemima shrieked or squeeked, as she called it, for help; but not a soul came to her assistance; and she was obliged to defend herself as well as she could with her hands alone, till Mrs. Evans dropped her broomstick for lack of breath; and then she, Miss Jemima, made her way out of the house, covered with bruises and wonder.
This was the unprovoked assault complained of and for this Miss Jemima Jennings claimed redress at the hands of the magistrate.
Mrs. Evans made a very voluble defence. She was cursed with a husband, she said, who—though she had brought him twelve children—was continually hankering after other women. On Monday last he went out, taking with him six goolden sovereigns, which she had put by to pay her coal-merchant, and he did not come near home for three whole days thereafter. Some of her neighbours told her that he had been seen courting the complainant (Miss Jemima) with cloves and brandy; and she was so hasperated at hearing this, that she certainly did entice Miss Jemima to her house, and bansell her with the broomstick as she had described. In conclusion, she admitted that she was wrong in so doing, but her passion got the better of her judgment, and she hoped his worship would consider that as an excuse. It was very hard, she said, for a woman at her time of life to be neglected for such creatures.
The magistrate told her he thought she ought not to have proceeded to such a violent outrage upon the complainant, without better proof that she was the cause of her husband's faithlessness; but as jealousy was an ungovernable passion, and as she appeared to repent of her violence, he would order the warrant to be suspended for a day or two, in the hope that she would in that time make her peace with the complainant, and save herself further trouble and expense.