Mr. Patrick Langham was charged with having assaulted Mrs. Bridget Finnagen, by spitting in her face.
His worship told him he was a dirty fellow, and asked him what he could say in excuse for such an unmanly and disgusting trick.
"Well, your honour," replied Patrick, "I should not have done it by no manes, but she put her nose in the mouth of me."
"Nonsense, man! How could she put her nose in your mouth?"
"Well, your honour, she did that same, any how; an I can bring a witness to the fore that'll testify to your honour."
The magistrate told him he did not believe him. Mrs. Bridget Finnagen said it was a grate lie invented by Patrick to bring shame upon her—the mother-in-law to the brother of him, and oun mother to four children—barrin one that's dead.
Patrick persisted in his nose story, and being desired to show the manner of it, he placed himself in the attitude of a scolding woman—with chin poked out, and arms a-kimbo.
"Why, you foolish fellow," observed the magistrate, "you mean that she put her nose in your face—not mouth."
"Your honour'll call it what ye plase," replied Patrick, "but me mouth's in me face any how; and so me face and me mouth's all one, your honour, in that shape."
His worship could not but smile at this explanation of the matter, and told Mrs. Bridget Finnagen that he thought Patrick was a harmless fellow, who would conduct himself better in future if she would forgive him his past offences.