The other bum laughed, his mouth full of chicken. “You’re talkin’ Chinook to that kid. What does he know about the D.D. and lavender and ducats.”
“You’re right,” I said. “I don’t know what he is talking about.” I was anxious to learn, but didn’t like to ask questions.
“Well, it’s this way,” he went on. “I was dummyin’ up, see? Imitatin’ a deaf an’ dumb man. D.D.ing, see? You surely know what lavender is—stuff women put on clothes. You put about a spoonful in a small envelope. You’ve got a pocketful of the envelopes ready when you go out to make your ‘plunge.’ Then you get your ducat, see? That’s the main thing. I got a bartender to write it for me on the back of a lawyer’s card. When the women opens the door you slip her your ducat and she reads:
‘I am deaf and dumb. I got hurt by a street car and just came out of the county hospital. I am trying to get seven dollars to pay my fare home to Cheyenne. Please take a parcel of lavender and give what you can.’
Sometimes they take your lavender an’ sometimes they don’t, but they generally give up something, an’ they can’t ask you a lot of questions, and if a copper grabs you you’ve got an out. You ain’t exactly beggin’.
“As I was sayin’ about dogs. I was battering the privates, see? Private houses. A woman had just slipped me a dime an’ was standin’ in the front door watchin’ to see that I got off the premises. I’m about halfway to the gate when I heard a dog snarlin’, an’ comin’ up behind me. I’m D.D., see, an’ don’t want to round on the damn dog an’ give myself a bawl-out in front of the woman, so I stand my ground figgerin’ she’ll stop him. The next thing I know he’s got half my pants leg ripped off an’ a chunk out of one of my shins. Anyway, I run him under the house. The woman took me in an’ fixed me up with arnica an’ a bandage. Then she gets me a good suit of her old man’s clothes, gives me two dollars, and holds the dog under the house till I get out the front gate. That’s dogs for you,” he finished, “an’ women.”
I had a question, but the other bum asked it for me. “What do you do if you bump into a natural dummy when you’re D.D.ing?”
“Well,” said the dog expert, “I never bumped into one, but if I did I suppose I’d do what everybody else does when they’re wrong an’ get caught at it. I’d get mad an’ cuss hell out of ’em.”
Breakfast over, the bums shaved. Both had razors. All bums carry razors for shaving, fighting, or cutting through a sleeper’s clothing to get into his pocket. One of them had a big silk handkerchief that he stropped his razor on, the other used his belt. They heated water in a tin can, lathered their hands, and rubbed it on their faces. One used his mirror, the other used none. After shaving they dried their blades carefully and secreted them about their persons. Blankets were rolled up, and the bums were ready to take the road. The D.D. man was going into the city for a few days. “So long.” He scrambled up the bank to the road.
The other was traveling in my direction and volunteered to direct me to a junction where I could make a westbound train.