MIDWIFES: If you're in that condition, don't come to New York. If you do come, get a doctor. But if you're old-fashioned and demand a midwife, you'll find some in the Classified phone directory.
PALMISTS: They're against the law, but Diana, LO 5-4530 is a "hand analyst."
PARTIES PLANNED: We like our parties impromptu, you know, like when the blonde drops in unexpectedly and says: "Let's get stinko." But if you like to entertain and want to do it big, call Service Delicatessen, BU 8-7384; Daniel, PL 9-5941; for children's parties, Arnold. Amusements and entertainment provided, Harrington, CI 6-5979.
RENT, FOR: You can rent practically anything in New York, including a wife, but not an apartment. If you are interested in hiring any of the following, consult the Classified phone directory: Airplanes, bikes, cameras, cars, diamonds, evening clothes, furs, private railroad cars, radios, typewriters and yachts. (No open listing for wives.)
SHOOTING GALLERIES: What's the matter, bud, didn't you have enough of it in the Army? If not, try Broadway and 48th Street, Broadway and 51st Street, or Sixth Avenue between 42nd and 47th; 42nd Street between Broadway and Eighth Avenue, or any amusement park.