"She was the war-ship Missalanna, which lay out in the stream
Of a port in Chinese waters which translated means Cold Cream.
A wireless comes from the admiral—he flew two stars on blue—
And the message read: 'At once cast free and join me in Chee Foo.
But bring along all packages, all bundles, and all mail
Our need is great, the fleet does wait, come forced draft, do not fail.'
"And says the Missalanna's commander: 'Whatever shall I do?
'Tis a two days' Chinese holiday, don't they know that in Chee Foo?
And a thousand tons of coal we'll need, and merchandise in dock
Fills half the tin-clad warehouse, and immovable as rock
Are sampan men and coolies when they've knocked off for the day—
And now 'tis snow and hail and sleet and a two days' holiday!'
"But he wakes up good old Totten
Sleeping soundly in his bed,
And showing the admiral's wireless,
Mutters: 'This is what he said.'"
Trench looked over the top of his first page. "How's it so far, Carl?"
"They've put men in the brig for less. But go ahead."
"Thanks. I proceed:
"'I was dreaming,' says good old Totten, 'I was writing to my wife
Of Chinese native customs and the joys of navy life.
But two hundred coolie men we'll need and a score of sampans wide
To get that coal aboard the ship and sail by morning tide.
No night for honest men to roam, but be sure ashore I'll go—
Mayhap in a shack on the water-side I'll find my friend Jim Joe.'
"Pay found his old-time Chinese friend and tells him what's to do.
'A thousand tons of coal I want and I'm putting it up to you.'
But Joe he looks at his Melican flend and he says: 'Me no can do—
To-night good Chinese mens they go and burn the joss-sticks—so—
And bad Chinese mens, my flend,' says Joe, with a wink or two,
'They play fan-a-tan, low-lee and mot.' Says Joe: 'Me no can do.'
"And saying the last part over again—
With another wink or two,
'They play fan-a-tan, low-lee and mot.'
Says Joe: 'Me no can do.'
"Then Pay, with a grip of Joe's pigtail, 'You mind the time—you do?—
When I pulled you out from a gunboat's snout?—and you now say: "No can do"?
Two hundred coolie boys I want and twenty sampans wide,
And twice five hundred tons aboard, so we sail by morning tide.
When I left the ship the skipper says: "Now, Pay, it's up to you!"'
Pay gives Joe's tail a gentle twitch—'Now, Joe, you must can do!'
"And Joe, with queue curled all anew, in the sleet and hail he goes
And twoscore crews of coolie boys he drags out by their toes.
'Two hundled coolie boys me want and twenty sampans wide,
And tice fi' hundled tlons on ship so she sail by morning tlide.'
And some he tore from their honest beds and some from loud wassail,
But all came out, for Joe was stout, into the sleet and hail.