Like a maid I ſqueak, like a lover can whine,
And ſnort like an Alderman laden with wine.
Gruntledum, gruntledum, gruntledum, ſqueak,
I hope very ſoon to be able to ſpeak.
- [*] “He was not at all offended, when, comparing all our acquaintance to ſome animal or other, we pitched upon the elephant for his reſemblance, adding, that the proboſcis of that creature was like his mind moſt exactly, ſtrong to buffet even the tyger, and pliable to pick up even the pin.”—Piozzi, p. 205.—N.B. For elephant our author probably read pig.
- [†] We have ſought for information concerning this fact, that the gentleman deſignated in the text was born in Moorfields, or that his father was a bookſeller there, which, however, we confeſs to have heard, but when or where we can by no means remember.
- [‡]
- Cloath ſpice, line trunks, or flutt’ring in a row,
- Befringe the rails of Bedlam or Soho.
- POPE’S IM. OF HORACE, Ep. I. B. 2.
- [§] “When in company where he was not free, or when engaged earneſtly in converſation, he never gave way to ſuch habits, which proves that they were not involuntary.” I ſtill, however, think, that theſe geſtures were involuntary; for ſurely had not that been the caſe, he would have reſtrained them in the public ſtreets.—Boſwell’s Tour, p. 9.
- [◊] The pretence of a miraculous power in the cure of the evil was the moſt extraordinary ſtrain of that King-craft of which James the Firſt ſo loudly boaſted. No manly man, under the circumſtances of the caſe, would have ſet up this pretence, or have expected any effect from it but that of public deriſion and contempt; but weak and credulous men take, perhaps, the beſt meaſure of human weakneſs and credulity, and ſo deep did this fraud ſtrike its roots, that, authenticated as it was by the clergy, and annually certified by the ſurgeons and phyſicians of the royal houſehold, it ſurvived the civil war, was reſtored with Charles the Second, extended beyond the revolution, and was only extinguiſhed by the act of ſettlement, which, taking the principles of the Britiſh government out of the clouds, placed them on the firm baſis of the earth. The pretenſions of Alexander were of a bolder and more rational ſort, and held to be ſo important, that his ſucceſſors, who had no kindred intereſt in the horns of Ammon, yet mingled them in their crowns and tiaras, till at laſt the Roman Titans tumbled from their ſeats one after another theſe fictitious gods. The moſt deceitful glimmer of divine claim ſeems to have had more influence on the mind of the perſon who ſeems to have been deſignated in the text, than the moſt ſolid principles of political right.
- [#] “I mentioned Lord Hailes as a man of anecdote—He was not pleaſed with him for publiſhing only ſuch memorials as were unfavourable for the Stuart family.”—Boſwell’s Tour, p. 312.
- [♦] Tantony pigs were pigs who belonged formerly to the Convent of St. Anthony in the city. Collars were placed about their necks, inſcribed St. Anthony. They fed all over the town, and out of reſpect to the fathers of that convent, it was uſual for the paſſengers to give them biſcuits, and other things carried for that purpoſe in their pockets. The pigs of courſe followed the paſſengers in this expectation; and hence came the expreſſion of one perſon’s following another like a Tantony pig.
This being publicly known, the neighbours now put on him a human coat, in which condition he appeared as if the Hog in armour had deſcended from his ſign-poſt to mingle in ſociety, and converſe with man. Nor did they ſtop here, but ventured alſo to recommend him for a penſion to the great miniſterial hog, though, for the preſent, however, without effect; for though it was evident enough that our learned Pig could ſay Ay, yet it did not follow that he would be [ 11 ] always diſpoſed to do ſo. He was therefore turned looſe into the ſoil of this great town to ſubſiſt as he could, where, idling and rambling, he picked up ſometimes flowers, and ſometimes thiſtles, a great number of Greek and Hebrew roots, with an immenſe quantity of verbage of every ſort [*]. It is for his honour that he routed in this rich compoſt for years without giving any offence, except that, through reſentment to the Miltonic line, he aſſociated rather too long with a very obſcene animal of the pig kind, called a [†] Lauder; and except, [ 12 ] that he was taken ſometimes with ſtrange freaks, and fancied [ 13 ] once that he ſaw ſomething in the [‡] ſhape of a ſound of a knocking; and excepting alſo his too ſonorous gruntulations, and that long concatenation of ſoapy bubbles which [ 14 ] uſually frothed from his mouth [§]. In the midſt of theſe reſearches he had one morning the good fortune to throw up this ſentiment in rhyme:
Say, what is a Tory? A Tory is he
Who thinks kicking ſhould paſs through every degree;
And that all political motion ſhould go
From the toe to the bum, from the bum to the toe.