The "ointments" and "onguents," for promoting the growth of whiskers and moustaches, are either perfumed and colored lard, or poisonous compounds, which contain quick lime, or corrosive sublimate, or some kindred substance. If you have any acquaintance who has ever used this means of covering his face with a manly down, ask him which came first, the beard, or a troublesome eruption on the face.
RETIRED PHYSICIANS.
One of the popular "dodges" of the rogues who sell such compounds as we have been describing, is to insert such an advertisement as the following in the newspapers of the country.
"A RETIRED PHYSICIAN, of forty years' practice, discovered, while in India, a sure remedy for consumption, bronchitis, colds, etc. Having relinquished his practice, he has no further use for the remedy, and will send it free on receipt of a three cent stamp to pay return postage."
Sometimes the advertisement is that of a "retired clergyman," and sometimes it is in the following form:
"A lady who has been cured of great nervous debility, after many years of misery, desires to make known to all fellow sufferers, the sure means of relief. Address, enclosing a stamp, Mrs.——, P. O. box—, New York, and the prescription will be sent free by return mail."
A single moment's reflection ought to convince any sensible person that the parties thus advertising are humbugs. It costs a great deal to advertise, and as the announcements we refer to can be seen in every paper in the land, it is safe to say that the "retired physician" and "clergyman," or the "nervous lady," expend each from five to ten thousand dollars per annum in advertising. The reader will see at a glance, that, however benevolent such parties may be, they cannot afford to give away so much money every year. The manner in which the business is managed is as follows:
The "retired physician" and "clergyman," and the "nervous lady," are one and the same individual. The man personating them is an ignorant knave. He scatters his advertisements broadcast over the land. Letters come, asking for his valuable recipe. He sends the prescription, and notifies the party asking for it, that if the articles named in it cannot be procured by him at any drug store convenient to him, he, the "retired physician," "clergyman," or "nervous lady," will furnish them, upon application, at a certain sum, (generally averaging five dollars,) which he assures him is very cheap, as the drugs are rare and expensive. The articles named in the prescription are utterly unknown to any druggist in the world, and the names are the production of the quack's own brains, and, as a matter of course, the patient is unable to procure them at home, and sends an order for them with the price, to the "retired physician," "clergyman," or "nervous lady," and in return receives a nostrum compounded of drugs, which any apothecary could have furnished at one half the expense. In this way the "benevolence" of the quack is very profitable. Men have grown rich in this business, and it is carried on to an amazing extent in this city. It is done in violation of the law, and the benevolent individual not unfrequently falls into the hands of the police, but, as soon as released, he opens his business under a new name. As long as there are fools and dupes in the world, so long will the "retired physician" find an extensive practice.
Any one who chooses to do so, can verify our statement by a simple application at the police headquarters of this city. The accomplished and energetic Superintendent of the Metropolitan force is a stern foe to swindlers of all kinds, and he can furnish any one who desires it with more interesting details on this subject than we can possibly give. One proof of our assertions is the fact that these quack doctors and patent medicine proprietors rarely use their own names in their business. They operate under a variety of aliases.