Can I trust? Oh, Help of the helpless, save me!
Asgeelo is here—but what can one man do? At best he can only report to his master my agony or my death. May that Death soon come. Kindly will I welcome him.
September 15.—Things are certainly different here from what they used to be. The servants take pains to put themselves in my way, so as to show me profound respect. What is the meaning of this? Once or twice I have met them in the hall and have marked their humble bearing. Is it mockery? Or is it intended to entrap me? I will not trust any of them. Is it possible that this can be Brandon’s mysterious power?
Impossible. It is rather a trick to win my confidence: But if so, why? They do not need to trick me. I am at their mercy.
I am at their mercy, and am without defense. What will become of me? What is to be my fate?
Philips has been as devoted as ever. He leaves me flowers every day. He tries to show sympathy. At least I have two friends here—Philips and Asgeelo. But Philips is timid, and Asgeelo is only one against a crowd. There is Vijal—but I have not seen him.
September 25—To-day in my closet I found a number of bottles of different kinds of medicine, used while I was sick. Two of these attracted my attention. Once was labeled “Laudanum,” another was labeled “Hydrocyanic Acid—Poison.” I suppose they used these drugs for my benefit at that time. The sight of them gave me more joy than any thing else that I could have found.
When the time comes which I dread I shall not be without resource. These shall save me.
October 3.—They leave me unmolested. They are waiting for some crushing blow, no doubt. Asgeelo sometimes meets me, and makes signs of encouragement.
To-day Philips met me and said: “Don’t fear—the crisis is coming.” I asked what he meant. As usual he looked frightened and hurried away.