ALI Ha, alif, alif, re wow wow 'ain jeem—ah, ye blessed ones in Paradise, is it thus ye write a jeem? Nun—but art thou a nun, O letter, or a drunkard's qaf? Verily an ape has written this with his tail: I have the second line. (With a start) Ho, Abdu, whence came this? Do not pretend to sleep. Answer me.
ABDU
From the sky: how do I know?
ALI
Let me look at the sky. (Rolls on his back and stares upward)
I tell you, Abdu, a mighty joker has flung this from the balcony.
ABDU
Allah plague him and his pen and thee! Is there no peace in the world?
ALI Here it is written, and do thou listen, O Abdu, for this is the strangest of the strange writings that are strange: "Whoever findeth this paper, know that the Caliph is in the house above, a prisoner, and his friends prisoners, and in the extremity of danger, he and they, with all Bagdad. Let the rescue be swift and sudden, but above all secret. The iron walls must be lifted from beneath. And send a man at once to the Guard, O fortunate discoverer, to warn them to protect the palace against the Beggars of Bagdad, and thou shalt be made Governor of Three Provinces. Signed, Jafar, the Vizier." (Bursting into laughter) Three Provinces, well I know their Three Provinces! Some rich young reveller hopes to play a game with poor old Ali, even as a game was played on the son of Abdullah, whom they dressed as a woman and placed in the Grand Vizier's Harem, and his reward came hailing down on his toes. (In a lower voice.) And I tell you, Abdu, what if the Caliph were in the house and his friends? What if this were true? Who would believe me? Who am I to rescue the Caliph? I never meddle in politics.
ABDU May the great gripes settle on thee and on the Caliph and the mother of the Caliph. Shall I not sleep? And now there comes a disturbance down the road. Ya, Jehannum, the Police!
(CHIEF OF POLICE with ISHAK)
ISHAK I tell you, I do not know precisely where I left them. It was somewhere in this quarter. It may have been this balcony they went to or that, but there are a thousand balconies. It was above a fountain, but there are a million fountains. I tell you they always come back. Have you not already twenty such scares as these for the safety of the Caliph?
CHIEF OF POLICE
Never and on no preceding occasion has his exalted name
been so long delayed in his return to the palace.
The day is dawning.
ISHAK I tell you, if you do find him you will get no thanks, O man of arms. Will you dare to unstick the Ruler of the Moslem World from the embrace of his latest slave girl or dash the cup of pleasure from his reluctant hand?