As neither of the strangers made the smallest objection to the proposal, we were all soon comfortably situated at the dinner-table. The commodore, who, it would seem, was habitually well fed, merely paid a little complimentary attention to the banquet; but Mr. Downright attacked it tooth and nail, and I had no great reason to regret the absence of Mr. Poke. In the meantime, the conversation did not flag.
“I think I understand the outline of your system, Judge People’s Friend,” I resumed, “with the exception of the part that relates to the patriots. Would it be asking too much to request a little explanation on that particular point?”
“Not in the least, sir. Our social arrangement is founded on a hint from nature; a base, as you will concede, that is broad enough to sustain a universe. As a people, we are a hive that formerly swarmed from Leaphigh; and finding ourselves free and independent, we set about forthwith building the social system on not only a sure foundation, but on sure principles. Observing that nature dealt in duplicates, we pursued the hint, as the leading idea—”
“In duplicates, commodore!”
“Certainly, Sir John—a monikin has two eyes two ears, two nostrils, two lungs, two arms, two hands, two legs, two feet, and so on to the end of the chapter. On this hint, we ordered that there should be drawn, morally, in every district of Leaplow, two distinct and separate lines, that should run at right angles to each other. These were termed the ‘political landmarks’ of the country; and it was expected that every citizen should range himself along one or the other. All this you will understand, however, was a moral contrivance, not a physical one.”
“Is the obligation of this moral contrivance imperative?”
“Not legally, it is true; but then, he who does not respect it is like one who is out of fashion, and he is so generally esteemed a poor devil, that the usage has a good deal more than the force of a law. At first, it was intended to make it a part of the constitution; but one of our most experienced statesmen so clearly demonstrated that, by so doing, we should not only weaken the nature of the obligation, but most probably raise a party against it, that the idea was abandoned. Indeed, if anything, both the letter and the spirit of the fundamental law have been made to lean a little against the practice; but having been cleverly introduced, in the way of construction, it is now bone of our bone, and flesh of our flesh. Well, sir, these two great political landmarks being fairly drawn, the first effort of one who aspires to be thought a patriot is to acquire the practice of ‘toeing the mark’ promptly and with facility. But should I illustrate my positions by a few experiments, you might comprehend the subject all the better.—For though, in fact, the true evolutions are purely moral, as I have just had the honor to explain, yet we have instituted a physical parallel that is very congenial to our habits, with which the neophyte always commences.”
Here the commodore took a bit of chalk and drew two very distinct lines, crossing each other at right angles, through the centre of the room. When this was done, he placed his feet together, and then he invited me to examine if it were possible to see any part of the planks between the extremities of his toes and the lines. After a rigid look, I was compelled to confess it was not.
“This is what we call ‘toeing the mark’; it is social position, No. 1. Almost every citizen gets to be expert in practising it, on one or the other of the two great political lines. After this, he who would push his fortunes further, commences his career on the great rotatory principle.”
“Your pardon, commodore, we call the word rotary, in English.”